Whore
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Whores are stupid.
Whores are, by strict definition, women who sell their bodies for money. But since women can sell themselves in so many different ways, the term has come to have a meaning much more complex than simple prostitution.
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History of Whoring
Whoring was invented sometime before 1975 when female monkeys realized that male monkeys would give up almost anything they possessed in order to stick their dicks in something soft and pink. This fundamental truth was at first used mainly to garner more bananas and grooming time, until Jews invented currency. Once currency was invented, it was a minor logical leap for women to exchange sexual favors for it. Other types of whoring did not become widely used until the invention of fame.
Types of Whoring
Prostitution
Prostitution, the dictionary-specific definition of a whore, is a woman who allows men to stick their penes in her mouth, vagina and/or ass in exchange for an amount of money agreed to by both parties beforehand. Sounds kinda silly when it's all spelled out like that, dunnit? Variations on this theme include the crack whore, who exchanges sex for drugs and the slut, who... no wait. Sluts just like fucking. Everyone.
Metaphorical Whoring
The metaphorical whore is a diverse creature. Any woman who gives up anything, be it dignity, money, time or effort as a gambit to make money, garner attention, become famous, or create drama - is a metaphorical whore. Some women manage to do all four at once - subsequently generating all four effects. They generally die soon after, although usually not soon enough. Under this category fall the cam whores, attention whores, suicide baiters, cutters, goth chicks, plastic surgery goblins, D-List celebrities, fashionistas and the upwardly mobile corporate executress.
Non Gender-Specific Whoring
Although the word "whore" carries a feminine connotation, nearly every type of whoring listed in the above paragraph can and is engaged in by not just women, but men. Some types of whoring are nearly universal, rendering us all, one way or another, a bunch of fucking whores. Consumer whores (anyone who buys something for any other reason other than that they need it), Internet whores (you), trend whores (anyone who slavishly follows whatever is trendy) - pick your stripe, and whore away.
Well Known Whores
- Bill Clinton
- Chuck Norris
- Diablo Cody
- Sucky the Suck Suck
- Toe Jam and his butt-buddy Earl
- Bozo the Clown
- Paris Hilton
- And you as well
Am I a Whore?
Questions to ask yourself:
- Do I get around?
- Do I enjoy sex?
- Do I get paid for giving sexual pleasure?
- Is my name Alison?
If you answered 'yes' to these questions, then yes, you are a whore.
