Weather

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Weather is stupid.

Weather is tubes. Weather is not a big truck.

A Short History of Weather

Weather is part of the Vast Jewish Conspiracy. It was created sometime before 1975, when the first Jews ever (who were generated by the nuclear reaction of a pile of money and Galactic Overlord Xenu) created a giant laser out of a foreskin, a stick of chewing gum, and Mount Doom. They fired the laser straight into the air, and there was weather. Unfortunately this also created volcanoes, which promptly destroyed the laser. The Jews have spent the remaining time attempting to recreate this laser in order to control the weather, and have been continuously frustrated in their efforts at combining gum, foreskin (which all Jews cut off and send to the Sandy Koufax Center for Jewish Influence over World Affairs), and mountains to make any sort of workable machine. They have tried reverse engineering, but have gotten no further than "laser=?+?".

This story was originally in the bible but was edited out because the Jews believed that it would damage the credibility of their sacred book.

Since then, the weather has basically done whatever the hell it wants, despite continuous efforts by humanity to stop it (WWII). The only known way to placate the weather is to imprison 6-8 million Jews, and kill them by working them to death, shooting them, placing them in cremation or gas chambers, or giving them dysentery. However, some people got mad the first time it was tried, so it has only been done once. For the record, however, it must be noted that this action resulted in at least one very sunny day. Weather, needless to say, is made very happy by our apparent unwillingness to kill Jews. Only a few heroic and much-persecuted figures (most notably those of the American Neo-Nazi party and the Ku Klux Klan) have stood against this disgusting submission to the weather.

Weather invented electricity, rain, weapons of mass destruction, the ice age, and most notably Barry Manilow and the internet. It once touched its tongue to its nose.

WARNING: Weather is dangerous, unpredictable, and may be armed. If you see it, do not confront it.

Weather in the Southern U.S.

Sometime before 1975, the lost tribe of Israel (also Jews) came over to America and settled down with the local Injuns. They later came up with the idea of Jesus in order to subdue southern civilization, and keep whitey down. This devious plan has largely worked. The weather in the southern United States has by far some of the most erratic and unpredictable weather patterns ever recorded. And yet, they still believe that God loves them, and that they are 'blessed'. They now spend much of their time grooming their mullets and inventing ever more creative ways to make their family trees run in a straight line. This once-proud society now uses valuable time praying and going to church, rather than inventing things like teleportation, cold fusion, and moving picture machines. Score one for the Zionists.