Tuner Car
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Tuner Cars are stupid.
Tuner cars are small shit box cars that delusional wannabe mechanics have tried to turn into sports cars. They are usually sub-compact sedans or coupes that have parts bolted on to make them look fast, or attempt to make them 1 or 2 miles per hour faster.
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History
Sometime after 1984, a mindless homoerotic film called "The Fast And The Furious” was released. Secretly, the producers of the film hid subliminal messages for viewers compelling them to modify their shitboxes. Inspired, fans of this slightly masked gay porno spent billions turning their overgrown matchbox cars into race cars. Ironically, the directors cut of "The Fast and The Furious" DVD reveals that director's true intent of the subliminal messages was to increase the cult of cock worshiping Vin Diesel. But cuts had to be made, including a cameo appearance by Mr._Hands to keep the R rating. The director blamed this on The_Vast_Jewish_Conspiracy. However studies have shown that many tunerites are actually cock worshipers, and most own the directors' cut in its full homoerotic glory.
Soon the cult of cock worship, now known as tuners, started spreading across the land. Influences from Japan, albeit with smaller cocks to worship, increased the diversity of the tunerite culture. Not unlike the gay cuture Sometime_before_1975 the tunerites underground grew in numbers. Now tunerites practice their automotive buchery in full public view.
Tuner Culture (The Tunerite)
Tunerites attend impromptu gatherings at the local Wal-mart parking lot until they are chased off by police, or the local mall cop. They have official gatherings where paid models who wouldn’t touch a tunernite with a 10 foot dipstick, parade around like strippers. It gives these models a good break from their day job of sucking cock for cash on the internet. Gatherings also give tunerites an opertunity to jizz over the other tunerites shitboxes. Meetings often have lecture sessions how to pour more money into your shitbox like a dumbass. And other topics like how to sell your parent's prescription drugs to buy that oh so awesome stage 2 nitrous kit.
Car Categories
Mexi-Tuner
Owned by Mexicans or those that look or talk like Mexicans. These are usually Dodge Neon’s or sometimes old Saturns. Tell tail signs of the Mexi-tuner: Flaming virgin Mary on the back, Some word in gothic Spanish at the top of the windshield, the paint on the AutoZone body kit doesn’t match or is unpainted, usually a door or hood off their cousin’s car that was wrecked and doesn’t match. Also look for wheels that stick way out from the finders. If you can’t see the car at first, usually you can hear them from the leaky exhaust, or from when it bottoms out over bumps because it has 15 Mexicans in it.
Poor Wigger Tuner
Owned by either urban or redneck wiggers, these cars come in a variety of shit box styles. Usually a Honda Civic, Hyundai Tiburon, Chevy Caviler, or if that GED really didn’t pan out, a Ford Escort. The first thing a wigger does is install a coffee can muffler that is the size of a howitzer and sounds like a 80 year old man’s farts after Mexican night at the old folks home. After this, the next thing is a rear wing that’s the size of ironing board. Apparently, the 87 horsepower motor under the hood will need a huge amount of down force to keep all of that rust and plastic on the ground. Along with this, comes a 1000 watt stereo that makes sure all the neighborhood can be blessed with their ungodly wigger music.
Nigger Tuner
Most self respecting black men would never be caught in these shit boxes. But if they are, they are usually done up well. Nigger tuners will have matching paint and wheels. Especially wheels, even if they cost 3 times as much as the car the are a must have. If you see a nice tuner car, it’s probably either a nigger tuner, or a rich wigger tuner.
Rich Wigger Tuner
The best looking tuners are the rich wigger tuners. These are usually Acura’s, Subarus, Mitsubishis and on occasion a BMW. Rich wigger tuners spend all their time scouring the internet for parts and spending time in their rich parents garages (or friends garages) working on programming 300 horsepower out of an overgrown leaf blower engine. Unfortunately, money does not buy intelligence for they fail to grasp the fact that even after $50,000, your civic still sucks dick.
