Top Gear
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Top Gear is stupid.
Top Gear is a television programme about different types of cars that is shown on BBC2 on Sunday nights. It was first aired in 1984. The show largely appeals to Essex boy racers or high-flying businessmen with so much money they have to buy the cars featured just to show how much money they have. This is stupid in itself. These people are called posers. Top Gear frequently shows acts of stupidty, such as attempting to kill the moronic presenters with rocket powered cars that flip over and place the driver in a near-death coma. This is not stupid. This is hilariously stupid.
Contents |
The Presenters
- Jeremy Asswipe-son - Clarkson is correctly believed to be the most stupid on the presenting team. He thinks himself amusing when really everyone else would prefer it if he wasn't ruining their Sunday night. He likes to make himself look cooler by sucking up to the weekly visiting celebrity guest. This backfires because everyone has to watch him talk week in, week out and by now he is known to be idiotic and has been disowned by the human population of the World. He believes that anything will work just because he is shouting at it. It doesn't and this just annoys the remaining sentient beings of the universe who still watch the show. He needs to get laid by someone who doesn't care about him. There must be someone who is willing to sleep with him, he is famous after all!
- James May-He-Please-God-One-Day-Be-Fired - James May tries to lead by a good example that might actually the programme unstupid. Unfortunately, he is often ignored by his colleagues because he argues for the sake of arguing a lot of the time and that would make even worse television than Top Gear already is. The helpful comments he makes come out with an excess of stupidity and unfortunately you miss that they are there. And when his co-presenters aren't disagreeing with him, this is because he is being an active part of a project to make it seem "cool". However, because he cannot act very well, it is clear that he is only doing it for the extra money that he will get paid for pretending he is enjoy himself.
- Richard (Got) Hammered-In-That-Crash - Hammond is a midget, looks like a hamster and regularly attempts has his teeth whitened but stupidly this doesn't do anything. He tried to do daytime T.V. and failed. He tried to drive a very fast car, such is the whole point of the show, and failed. He even failed at dying. However despite being a failure, he makes the whole programme watchable if only just. This is because he has so many faults, and the other 2 mock him every time they start talking.
- The Stig - The show’s tame racing driver. He is the one that drives the new cars around the lap to find out how good they really are. No one, and I mean no one, knows who he actually is. Even he doesn’t. Before each lap he is hypnotised by the same person who places the subliminal messages in the media that keep the population under control, and then he is controlled by a geek playing a racing game on a console. He is usually introduced by the paraphrase "Some say...". For example "Some say all his potted plants are called Steve." These sometimes have a relationship to current news headlines. But only rarely are they not totally stupid, much like the rest of the show.
- Top Gear Dog - The most physically active of the group. Due to the fact she is a dog. Usually found being dragged around by Hammond by a lead. She is the coolest presenter of the show, closely followed by The Stig and well ahead of the other 3 more commonly known presenters. Her example of sleeping through the show should be copied by the rest of the universe.
The Whole Point Of The Show
The whole point of Top Gear is to show off cars. Usually these are expensive sports cars or muscle cars that very few people own. Apparently in theory this is meant to increase the amount of people watching, most of these are people who can't afford the cars they are watching. This is stupid because if they were out working, and losing weight, instead of being in on a Sunday evening watching tv, they may actually earn enough money to buy a decent car. The only exception to this is the people who are retarded, or who are having sex. It is alright for these people to be at a home, even if it does not belong to them. They also run a regular feature called “Star-In-A-Reasonably-Priced-Car”. This is in essence a race over a long period of time, with one minor celebrity on the show each week, setting a single lap time. However, instead of raising their publicity like they were hoping, they usually just show how stupid they are. Probably because they have to talk to Jeremy Clarkson for more than 3 seconds. This is guaranteed to make anyone stupid.
The Challenges
Every week, the 3 lead presenters are set a challenge. These are usually funny in their stupidity; such as building a space rocket out of a Reliant Robin, attempting to go camping or building their own stretch limos. There is always a failure at some point of the challenge. This can be amusing (such as the rocket exploding), predictable (such as them ruining camping) or just down-right crap (such as May’s attempt at building a stretch limo). They have also attempted to build a convertible people carrier and got involved in a race against the Stig with Caterham 7’s.
That Crash
Hammond crashed a rocket-powered car going very fast. Everyone laughed. He got brain damaged. Everyone smiled. He then recovered. Nobody even wasted a smile. Except maybe his wife.
