Tom Cruise
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Tom Cruise is stupid.
There are some who believe that Tom Cruise is the prodigal ass child of Elron Hubbard. But those within the higher levels of Scientology know that he is merely one of the many faggots of Hollywood who became enamored/brainwashed with their crackpot, sci-fi inspired religion. But one need only take a closer look at the life of Tom Cruise to truly understand just how stupid (not to mention psychotic) he really is.
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The Life and Times of Tom Fucking Cruise
It is a well known fact that Tom Cruise is a closet homosexual who was molested by his sick father sometime before 1975. So naturally, he gravitated towards a career in Hollywood. He was introduced to Scientology by his first wife, where upon he was allegedly cured of dyslexia. Despite the fact that dyslexia was the least to worry about in his psychosis, Tom apparently took this to mean that Scientology was the one true faith. Because he was a top celebrity, Tom Cruise had enough money to rise through the levels and become a devout promoter. Such power quickly went to his sick and twisted head. It was not long before he believed that he could act like a monkey on Oprah and not endure truthful rumors about his homosexuality. This would later bite him in the ass like a shit weasel from a Stephen King book. Tough luck, Tom.
Top Psychotic Gun
Scientologist Stupidity
Further acts of stupidity in relationship to his faith involve how he has promoted Scientology. He once tried to raise money to give 9/11 workers free thetan therapy, because we all know that Post-Traumatic Stress disorder can be resolved by uncomfortable, skin-probing procedures. He also tried to bully European nations into accepting Scientology as a full blown religion instead of a cult of sci-fi fanatics and celebrities trying to find meaning for their pitiful existence. In his marriage to Katie Holmes (not only a ploy to appear straight, but also a desperate, midlife crisis act to relive his youth), he felt that his new spouse needed to take Scientology classes on how to "act like a mother" (not so much on how to care for a child as it is to pretend that it isn't being molested by the father every night since it turned twelve). He also spoke out against using psychiatric medication. While this might seem like a smart idea because many experts now believe that prescribed medication is apart of the vast Jewish uprising, Tom's stand is really due to the fact that the Psychiatric Community would not give Elron free date rape drugs to satisfy his urge for kiddy tail (a grudge that all Scientologists carry to this day).
Homosexuality
The signs of Tom's homosexuality are all too clear. The Couch Jumping incident and his sham marriage to Katie Holmes are the most renowned. When newspapers began to circulate rumors, Tom used his connections to attempt to summon a UFO strike on their printing presses. When that attempt failed, they appealed to Liberal courts. The fact that he so desperately tried to silence these newspapers not only validates their claims but further enforces his stupidity with his ineptitude at hiding his homosexuality.
It seems that the only person that he managed to convince of his straightness is himself. Many psychologists believe that his psychotic mind is so homophobic that he consciously does not know of his own homosexuality. No one is entirely sure how mental condition will turn out, though many believe that it will end in the Future with Tom Cruise on the steps of Capitol Hill with a vest of C4 shouting "Elron is one, Elron is eternal!" before he presses the detonator and sets off the Scientology Rebellion. But even if that doesn't happen, everyone still agrees that Tom Cruise is a danger to himself and others.
On a Further Note
Tom Cruise named his first daughter with Katie Holmes "Suri." He claims that this is the Hebrew Word for "princess." Many linguists call that complete bullshit as the correct word is "Sarah," casting doubt on whether his dyslexia really is cured. Regardless, Tom Cruise is too far beyond reality for that to matter.
