Tom Brady
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Tom Brady is stupid.
Tom Brady was created sometime before 1975 by South Boston resident Donnie Wahlberg. Wahlberg, an avid football fan, felt that the handsome quotient had yet to be met within the National Football League (see Handsome Quotient Act of the NFL of 1966 which required all NFL franchises to contain at least one attractive player preferably at the quarterback position).
Upon creation, Wahlberg hired CIA operative Bill Belichick to ensure Brady’s emotional, physical and baby making abilities were on par to those of the almighty ruler of the human race Billy Dee Williams.
In 1984 then US President Martin Sheen signed a secret document allowing Belichick to take complete control over Tom Brady. Incensed, Walhberg in partnership with the state of Louisiana created Peyton Manning (see Manning Project of The Future in which the city of New Orleans became a laboratory for Super Bowl winning quarterbacks).
Belichick sold his soul to Lindsay Lohan, the ruler of the Underworld to become head coach of the Foxboro Tom Messner’s (later to be renamed the New England Patriots when the team was purchased by “A Very Brady Sequel” star Tim Matheson). Under Bilichick’s regime the Foxboro Tom Messner’s became league leaders in the AFC (Atlantic Fun Cupcakes) division of the National Football League. It was not until Super Bowl XXLWEEZYXL against the Montreal Poutine’s that Belichick felt the need to utilize Tom Brady as starting quarterback. Brady’s razor sharp arm and spot on passing skills led the Tom Messner’s to their seventeenth Super Bowl title in three years.
The Tom Messner’s remained undefeated until Super Bowl XXLBALLSTONVLX when Belichick forgot to update Tom Brady’s hard drive leading him to short circuit while attempting to complete a pass to Randy Moss (see Cornrows Act of the NFL in which all teams were required to contain at least one player with a strategic hair style). Thusforth, the New Jersey Strahan’s led by Manning Project Secondary Officer Eli Manning were not only able beat the Foxboro Tom Messner’s in the Super Bowl but gained access to secret government files containing information regarding the whereabouts of Elvis Presley, Tupac Shakur, Jimmy Hoffa and the Notorious B.I.G..
