Theater Major

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Typical Theater majors, simultaneously honing their acting and being annoying skills

Theater majors are stupid.

Theater majors are college students who have foolishly chosen Theater as their field of "academic" study.

When any experienced actor is asked about his chosen profession, s/he will emphatically respond, "Oh, I hate it! I hate my life! The rejection, the horrible hours, the stress... Do yourself a favor; don't get into 'the business.' " Yet, for whatever reason, these hapless young people long for this life of predetermined shattered dreams and wait staff side jobs. Some will claim that they have been "bitten by the Theatre Bug." Clearly, this "bug" is another word for "being too lazy to want a real job."

Theater classes in college typically involve jumping around, making strange guttural noises in unison, and annoying anyone in adjacent classrooms who are actually trying to learn.

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Typical Traits of Theater Majors

Theater majors travel in packs, like hyenas. They often wear outrageously tacky clothing, in order to express their "individuality." They will also speak at an inappropriately loud volume, in every situation, especially if it makes others around them feel uncomfortable. Other common physical characteristics are an excessive use of makeup and an air of contempt if anyone dares but make eye-contact with them.

Oddly, this "holier-than-thou" attitude is not only reserved for normal people, but for others in their own or similar fields. Other victims of the Theater major attitude include:

Technical Theater majors, or "Techies"
Music majors
Dance majors
Other Theater majors who haven't been in any shows this semester
Other Theater majors who don't share their contempt for humanity
Ugly people

If caught in a situation where you are forced into close proximity to a Theater major (such as in an elevator), your best bet is to stay perfectly still and not make any attempt at communication. They will be happy, and you will be happy. (NOTE: Be sure to leave room for their ginormous head to comfortably occupy.)

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Sexual Orientation

All male Theater majors are gay, and all females are straight (but pretend to be bi). Parenthetically, a favorite recreational activity of Theater majors is to engage in huge, smelly, incestuous Theater orgies.

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