Thanksgiving
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Thanksgiving is stupid.
Thanksgiving started sometime before 1975 by Abraham Lincoln as a method to vent his secret rage against turkeys by couching a horrifying turkey genocide as a Christian holiday. It is observed on the fourth Thursday in November, one of the many references to secret ritual dates of the New World Order, an evil pact between the Masons, Illuminati and the Jews.
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Tradition
History
Tradition holds that the first Thanksgiving dinner was held by the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock. After many months of failed harvests, the Pilgrims were taught by future casino owners how to plant fish with their corn and thus make their harvests more bountiful so they would not starve to death. Tradition, of course, is absolute bollocks, as this never happened and was simply a nice story meant to make everybody feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Observance
Observance of the holiday in the United States generally centers around the ceremonial slaughter and consumption of the North American Turkey. Alcohol is generally consumed as well in larger than average quantities in deference to the fact that most people get the following Friday off of work and can therefore feel free to pass out at their family's house and wake up hung over without any serious repercussions. Thanksgiving is the closest real holiday there is to the well known fake holiday Festivus, as once the liquor starts flowing freely, the airing of grievances generally begins and family members usually fight all night until they pass out.
Nicknames
Omnivores
Many people refer to Thanksgiving as Turkey Day, T-Day or Macy's Day.
Vegetarians
Vegetarians refer to Thanksgiving as Tofurkey Day and hold it on Saturday in protest. However, since vegetarians eat animal products like cheese and eggs they are all a bunch of integrity-free shitheels.
Vegans
Vegans refer to Thanksgiving as Turkey Holocaust Day and sneer at their vegetarian brethren as a bunch of sick fucks for contributing in any way to animal exploitation. They conveniently ignore the fact that their own respiration massacres millions of bacteria daily because they are all a bunch of asshat sociopaths.
