Teenage Party
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Teenage parties are stupid.
Sometime between the age of 13 to 80, you're likely to be invited to a teenage party. With the alcohol flowing and the legs spreading, teenage parties are seen by most as an easy opportunity for fornication. But more on this later.
Contents |
The Booze
Without booze, the party can not take place. Many have attempted to throw parties with lemonade and cordial, but have failed miserably. So what booze shall we get? I hear you ask. Anything. No one is going to be drinking for the taste! They're drinking to get drunk/wasted/pissed/pickled/mashed/fried/boiled/microwaved/blootered/blitzed/hoisted/ wormbatied/jerksplattered/jombered/pelvis/easily-raped/maggot/whatever-stupid-term-for-getting-drunk-we-come-up-with! So, just grab anything from the shelf. Methylated Spirits if need be - just slap a Jack Daniels label on the bottle - no one will notice the difference.
Dealing with the compulsary police visit
You can never truely say it was a good party if the police didn't stop by. If it's 15 minutes into the party and they come knocking on the door, you're doing well. If the party is winding down and still they haven't come, it's time to take action. Turn off the rap/rnb garbage that's playing, put on The Ride Of The Valkyries by Wagner, hand the guests army helmets, and pelt the neighbours with molotov cocktails.
And finally, the fornication
With some liquor inside you, you will start having urges to stick your dick into a hole. Find a girl that has had her fair share of booze. Talk to her. By the magic of alcohol, in 10 minutes you will be sticking your john thomas into whatever orifice is closest and most convenient. Where to carry out these acts?
Good places for party sex
- Toilet.
- Bathtub.
- Wardrobe.
Bad places for party sex
- Bird-bath.
- Pool shed.
- Kitchen pantry.
- In front of his/her boy/girlfriend
The Aftermath
Having achieved your goal depositing bodily fluids inside someone, it is now time to put your pants back on, leave the girl sobbing uncontrollably, and consider getting that rapidly-developing rash checked out. The rest of the party will be a complete mess: people passed out, girls crying, and the sober trying to control the drunk. At this stage, the party will be declared a complete success, and a good time had by all. Photos will now be posted on a shitty blog for all to see.
