Talmud

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

The Talmud is stupid.

The Talmud was the first Jewish "How To" book written by the rebellious young Moses and his fellow gun club sometime before 1975. It's an imaginative re-write and spinoff of the classic romance novel, the Torah.

Background

History?

In the land after time, the Torah won both critical acclaim and several Portuguese Emmies. Before time began, however, the Jews wanted a sequel. As always, it was Moses to the rescue. Originally titled Women's Talmud-Wrestling, it became an instant cult classic, but failed to reach the popularity of other fairy tales of the time.

Years later, after the advent of packaged corndogs, Oprah rediscovered the Talmud in the dumpster outside of a KFC. It soon became the Book of the Month, which began the Jewish renaissance.

In 2002, the Talmud was "read" by George H.W. Bush who immediately commented that it was his least favorite Harry Potter book yet.

Talmud Rules

• Finish vegetables before dessert or else.
• Never circumsize an animal larger than yourself unless its after labor day.
• Accidental spitting on the opposite sex is considered hard-core intercourse.