Summer
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Summer is stupid
Summer is a stupid season, mostly because there are no good holidays in it unless you live in Australia which is stupid in and of itself. If you're working, then you don't get time off work like those little shit-eating brats do, but you're still supposed to put up with them and if you're a parent, you're expected to take them places. DAD HAS TO WAKE UP AT 6:00 IN THE MORNING YOU LITTLE FAGGOTS YOU'RE NOT GOING TO THE WATERPARK ON A TUESDAY. Jesus Christ. Summer is also stupid because it's hot out and you smell like sweaty balls because your balls are sweating profusely, and lemonade prices skyrocket to extortion levels.
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Summer Transitions
Summer is most well known for being that season that you're either going into or coming out of.
Spring to Summer
Say goodbye to the nice days of sunshine with a cool breeze, sitting back under a tree and watching a new calf slip out of it's mother's vagina. Spring is gone and Summer is here. It's probably stopped raining where you live, and so you probably can't flush your toilet because of water restrictions, and now your house smells like shit. You can't wash your car so it has dirt graffiti all over it from some punk ass kids, probably some joke about it being dirty and needing a wash. Well you know who else that describes? Your mother. If you can't play with the big boys then stay away from my car you hoodlums. Your lawn is brown and dying because you can't water it, and the lake near your house has evaporated away making the water level perilously close to exposing the bones from all the bodies you've been stashing there over the years. Your supply of Girl Scout cookies is gone as well as your supply of Easter candy.
Summer to Fall
Fall is the best time of year, especially if you hate the color brown. All that grass that has been killed by the scorching rays of the sun are covered by a beautiful carpet of red and golden leaves. Unless you live in a place with evergreens, then some pine needles fall out and turn brown so it sucks to be you. The cool breezes are back and a shitload of good holidays are just around the corner. Kids are back in school so you can finally find time to have sex with their moms. Girls with nice racks are bringing out the sweaters, which make their boobs look cozy and warm and inviting. (Note: you still actually need an invite to touch them though. "They wanted it" is not a valid excuse.)
Summer & Winter
Summer and winter are no longer on speaking terms. See above about the boobs.
Summer Holidays
Labor day - Big whoop. Oh no now I can't wear white pants. Guess what, nobody wears white pants anyway you stupid fucking holiday. Nobody cares about laborers, that's what Mexicans are for. I celebrate them on May 5th, during spring, which is a good holiday and a good season.
July 4th - You get to blow shit up if you're American, which is kind of cool, but you usually have to stay with your family, and all your state will let you have is a bunch of pussy fireworks that can barely blow up a cat. Also, no presents.
Summer Solstice - This holiday is probably awesome if you're a creepy Wicca or a disgusting hippie. Nobody else gives a shit.
Things to Do During Summer
A list of activities that you may consider if you're ever unfortunate enough to find yourself trapped in a summer.
Naps
Taking a nap is probably the best use of your time. You don't have to bear the horrible suffering of being conscious during the day, and you might have a sex dream. If you're Mexican, this is also known as taking a siesta. Naps are good because nobody can ask you to do anything, and if somebody wakes you up you're legally allowed to hurt them. If you nap in the sun, it's called tanning. If you nap in a bed it's called a power nap. If you nap in a preschool it's called a felony.
Water Sports
Find a place with some water, get some sort of board or inflatable vehicle, and take it into the water. Congratulations, you're wet and still stuck in summer. Splash around or something, or consider drowning yourself. Nobody will miss you. If you're rich you can get somebody to drag you behind a boat. If you're really rich you can drag people behind a boat, people who you don't like and have a big mouth. Also they are gagged and bound and they don't get to come onto your boat after you're done. If you're really poor you can go to the beach and slosh around in shark pee and look at really fat disgusting grandpas who aren't shy about their gross wrinkly bodies and walk around in a speedo.
Travel
If you're a teacher or homeless, you get the summer off like kids, and so you should consider traveling. If you're homeless, you can consider it relocating. Popular places to go include places on the opposite side of the world where it's another season.
Summer School
This is only for dumb kids who fail regular school. Haha you retards.
Astrology
You can see some stars in the sky that are hidden during the other seasons. These points of light are the way they were billions of years ago. In actual time they have long since exploded and wiped out any traces of alien civilization. This is going to happen to us, and there's no escaping it. Your life is meaningless and the whole human race is doomed to be wiped out from the universe some day. Stars are assholes and remind you of this. Stay inside.
Summer Weather
Summer has interesting weather patterns.
The part where it's really hot out
This part is pretty much the whole summer and it sucks.
The part where it's even hotter out
It's too hot to get out of bed, which is good because last night it was too hot to get in bed and you're laying on the bathroom floor in your underwear trying to think about penguins and how lucky they are.
The inevitable heat wave
You wake up one day and the people on the radio tell you that you're currently in a record heat wave. This happens every summer, and it's the worst part. You actually have to light a fire because it's cooler than the air around you.
Summer Camp
Summer camp is awesome if you're 12 and gay. Everybody that goes to summer camp gets raped during shower time, at least that's what the older boys told me. I hated summer camp and so did my anus. Plus when I got home I gave my dad a belt I made him in leather working and he beat me with it a week later for using all the ice to cool down the back seat of his car. You get a bunch of songs stuck in your head that will STAY THERE FOR FUCKING EVER even if you don't remember all the words you'll remember something about a princess pat and a bear hunt. Then there are camp fires that you have to go to and all the skits suck and they give out awards but you don't win one because you are utterly unremarkable and nobody noticed you the entire week.
