Stock Market
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
The Stock Market is stupid
The stock market was invented by the Jews some time before 1975 as a way to take people's money and build their colony on the moon with the profits. Most rich white assholes will tell you that they have money "invested" in the market. This is a lie. What they have done is handed their life savings over to the Freemasons and the Illuminati.
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How the market works
Basically a whole bunch of stupid white assholes get Wall-Mart and Coca-Cola to put up a front for a Jewish money collecting scheme. These companies claim you will "share" your money with them for a "dividend" of the companies future profits; in reality, you "share" your money with galactic overlord Xenu and he gives you "divedends" of your money back over time. Then the five jew bankers who run the world decide which companies please them and Xenu the most, these "stocks" form the Dow Jones Industrial Average. They also have a listing of the rest of their favourite stocks listed in the Standards and Poors Industrial Average, because they use these companies to build their New World Order and keep the majority of the world "standard and poor."
Bull Markets
Bull Market is a shortened term for a bull-shit market. These occur when the price of everything is total bull shit. Business men think we're all retards and they try and steal our money with their bull-shit markets and their bull shit prices. Who the fuck is going to pay 50 pounds for a fucking mobile? Not me. Those greedy assholes can go to hell.
Bear Markets
Bear Markets occur once every ten years. This has been a tradition since some time before 1975. Once a decade the five jew bankers release bears at the New York, London, and Tokyo stock exchanges. The ensuing chaos drives the markets down so the jew bankers can be sure that their evil plan is kept a secret and no gentile ever challenges one of the jew bankers for his place atop the pyramid of evil.
Buying Stock
Should you wish to give your money to the jew bankers in hopes of Lord Xenu's favour falling upon a certain company, you can call a former special olympics athlete called a stock broker. This man will ask you lots of stupid questions and name companies run by jack off morons. After a 3 hour conversation, this man will take your money and hand it over to the jew bankers. If you ever want to see your money again you are fucked, as the jew bankers will never return it.
Preferred Stock
Most people don't realize that there are actually two types of stock; then again, most people thought LOLcats were funny, retards. Preferred stock is when you give your money directly to Xenu. If Xenu becomes enraged with a company that you have prefered stock in, the five jew bankers must return your "dividends" before anyone else's. A lot of good this does you, as you've still been raped in the face by the man.
Mutual Funds
Any time stocks have a cluster fuck or circlejerk with their retarded, hermaphrodite, lesbian sister bonds it is called a mutual fund. Mutual funds are also stupid.
Selling Stock
If you "invest" money in a company that pleases Lord Xenu, eventually the souls of dead aliens will influence other meat-bags to pay large amounts of money for a chance to say they have pleased Xenu. You can then jack up the price of your investment and make money off the poor retards who didn't invest earlier. Of course, the five jew bankers know about this strategy they have implemented a capital gains tax to be sure you will be left poorer than when you started.
Short Selling Stock
Should Lord Xenu become angry with a company, the value of that investment will go down. You can theoretically make money off of this by selling your stock and then buying it back at a lower price; however, the jew bankers call this "insider trading" and you will get fucked in the ass by a Thanksgiving turkey like Martha Stewart did should you attempt this.
