Spork

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Sporks are stupid.

History

The spork was invented sometime before 1975 by Colonal Sanders (a.k.a. The Architect). All his life, Sanders had been plaged by the pointy-ness of forks and the round-ness of spoons. One day he had a great idea. But sadly, he was hit by a low-flying 747. It is theiorized that the U.S. Govenrment, knowing the potental of the Sander's "Super-tencil", sent this evil plane to rob him of his memories with it's magical Jedi Mind Ray. When Sander's awoke from his coma, all memories of the "Super-tencil" had left him. In their place was an image of possably the stupidest invention ever: Barry Manilow, who was holding a Spork.

The Spork

The spork today is an incredibal(ly gay) device. It is the result of years of taxpayer-funded, fork-spoon breeding experements (which also led to the foon, the sproon, and many 1980's sitcoms). The spork is a combonation of the fork (the pointy one) and the spoon (the not-pointy one), and possess the usefulness of a dead hamster. It is not sharp enough to be used as a fork, and the grooves in its front make it useless as a spoon. It is largely usless, though it does hav some use in Hatian Voodoo Rituals. Sporks are bred in a small, military bunker at an undisclosed location in Nevada. The parent fork and spoon are forced to have kinky-underwater sex until the spoon is impregnated by the fork. This can take any where from 1 minute to several weeks (if the spoon has a headache). The spoon carries the spork fetus for approx. 35 seconds. Upon the birth of the spork, spork generally runs away to California with one of his hooker girl-friends. In its early stages, the spork is fed on a diet of pork and cheesey romance novels. When it reaches adolecence, the spork goes through an "akward" fase where it tries to act like a knife. In adult hood, the spork is shiped off to Second-rate fastfood resturants around the globe to be loathed by all who encounter it.