Space
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Space is stupid.
Space was discovered Sometime before 1975 when someone finally decided to look up and realized that there was a big pile of blue shit above our heads. A little while later, during a time referred to as Night, the same person realized that the big pile of blue shit changed colors to black, and now had glowing pieces of corn stuck in it. The first thing he thought (inevitably it was a man, Women don't have souls) was, "Well, you never know how long it takes for corn to show up in your shit." The second thing he thought was, "I'm going to call this big black piece of shit 'Space.'"
Contents |
What is Space made out of?
According to Aristotle, Space is made out of a special substance called Ether. Ether is the fifth element, right after Fire. What Aristotle didn't know was that he was completely wrong. We know today that there are actually six elements, the last of which being discovered in the body of Haley Joel Osment after the filming of the Sixth Sense (Bruce Willis is dead the whole movie). The Fifth Element is actually Milla Jovovich, who has a nice rack.
But My Science Teacher Says There Are 100+ Elements!
That's just what ugly people say. The only reason anyone would claim there are more than 100 elements is because they're trying to tell the world there is more than outward appearances. Some of these so called "Elements" include things such as "Friendship," "Loyalty," "Good Blowjob," and "Kindness." Maybe you should inform your teacher that she's an ugly bitch and will probably never get laid, and she should get off her lazy ass and lose "100+" pounds.
Why do we put up with Space's shit?
Whenever there's a supernova in our vicinity and our species is wiped out, someone always asks why we put up with Space's shit. The answer is quite simple: Space was elected as the president of the galaxy about 3.3 billion years ago by a rogue group of velociraptors. Unfortunately, the Galaxical Constitution requires all presidents to serve in office for 5 billion years per term. Although Space has had numerous affairs with stars in Alpha Centauri, he has not been impeached for any such actions. Supernovas have mysteriously taken place at almost every meeting of the Galaxical Congress.
We have always been at war with Alpha Centauri.
How does space affect our lives?
Space doesn't affect our lives, mainly because if you're reading this, you don't have one. Step outside, you mother fucking loser.
NASA
NASA stands for the National Anal Sex Association, which likes to build big penis shaped objects as monuments to their fallen heros, such as John Wayne. Sometimes these phallic objects fly into space, never to return. Other times, they carry people a few hundred feet off the ground only to kill them all in a blaze of glory.
