Sex

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Sex is stupid.

Sex is a painful activity in which a man, using the stiffest and pointiest part of his pelvic region, repeatedly stabs a female in her crotch until he feels satisfied. This process is known as sexual intercourse. That is irrelevant, however. You will never have sex. You are on the internet. As such, the previous quote 'Sex is stupid' is nothing more than a sad attempt to justify your pitiful existence.

History

Sex was invented sometime before 1975 and has become one of the most popular forms of excercise practiced to date. There are very few people who do not enjoy sex, excluding those who do not have sex.

Who Has Sex?

The real question is, who doesn't have sex? There are 5 main types of people who do not have sex:

1. Children

Children do not have sex because a) They have not reached sexual maturity, and b) because they're kids and kids do kid things... like playing with trucks, not sticking their naughty bits into other people's naughty bits.

2. The physically unattractive

These people don't really have a choice. They are ugly and fat which causes the people around them to not want to have sex with them. The good news is that often many many years down the road when the unattractive person has finally given up all hope of ever getting laid, they meet that special ugly someone who had also given up, and settles for them. They will immediately reproduce.

3. The physically unable

This category includes the impotent, who, thanks to Viagra, are now able to have sexual intercourse again; and Eunuchs. Impotency is a condition which causes a mans penis to become too lazy to stand at attention, until Lieutenant General Viagra comes and does his job. A Eunuch is a person whose male parts have been severed from their body; often during Pagan Rituals where they also eat babies and listen to Tina Turner albums.

4. Abstainers

These are people who choose not to have sexual relations for reasons relating to religion, health, or personal values. It should be pointed out, however, that often people who actually fall into category number 2 often try to claim status as abstainers in order to look and feel better about the lack of sex in their life.

5. The Dead

Does this need an explanation? Dead people usually do not partake in sex because they are generally unresponsive. However, they do get raped.