Secret Society

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Secret Societies are stupid.

They have at their very core two very opposite goals:

1: Gain Power 2: Have nobody know about them

Power comes from controlling people. This is very difficult from an underground lair. Generally people are controlled by sex, fear, or money. This means you need to seduce them, threaten them, or pay them. All of which require said person know you exist. Despite these difficulties, there is ample evidence that Secret Societies exist. This technically makes them secretive, not secret. They are also the darling subject of most Conspiracy theorists.

Types of Secret Societies

Way to keep it secret guys

Fraternal orginizations

The typical secert society that most people have heard of. These are composed of men who thought college fraternities were such a good thing that there is no reason to give up such activities as keggers, wearing funny hats, and paddling each other while naked in arcane rituals, even though though they are now 47 years old.

Examples include: Free Masons, Shriners, Rotarians, The Loyal Order of Water Buffaloes, The Skull and Crossbone Society

Al Qaeda. Religious yes, but they still wear funny hats and like to raise the roof

Religous

Religous Secret Societies vary from fraternal ones in having a shared delusion that your God is the best god and all others mentioned are just crap imposters. This provides an excellent foundation for selling each other sketchy insurance polices, multi-level marketing scams, and cut rate knives while imbibing vast amounts of alcohol.

Examples Inclue: The Knights of Columbus, Scientologists, Ordo Templi Orientis, Al Qaeda, The Spanish Inquisition.

We're Beatrice

International

Not only notable for forging alliances, these types of societies formed themselves to be unfettered by little things like borders, public sentiment, human rights, and international trade law. When questioned, these orginization will say their purpose is something the effect of; 'To provide understanding and line of communication across all nations.' However, the actual purpose is to make its wealthy and powerful members more powerful and wealthy, and to realize that, whatever country they come from, they have more in common with each other than they have with the lower class scum from their own respective nations.

Examples include: The Bilderburg Group, The Illuminati, The Tri-Lateral Commision, COBRA, and Beatrice.

Criminal

Criminal Organizations are secretive not so much as they want to sound cool and think it neat to have special handshakes, but out of a desire to avoid arrest, imprisonment, beatings, and execution. These are all excellent incentives to keep things on the down low. In addition, the secrecy adds some additional weight to the thinly veiled threats of extortion that are the prime revenue generators, as people wouldn't be able to trust anyone.

Examples include: The Mafia, MS-13, Ku Klux Klan, The Vast Jewish Conspiracy, KAOS, and The Boy Scouts