Saddam Hussein
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Saddam Hussein was stupid.
Saddam Hussein ruled Iraq for the past 85 years. He wasn't exactly a democratic ruler, and there's rumors on the internets that he was a war criminal and that he committed genocide against Kurds in 1984.
Although none of this has been proven yet, he was most probably a bloody S.O.B who really deserved to die anyway. If not because he sucks at being president, then because he already took too much time as one, and he already looks like crap.
Non-Encyclopedic Note: This article is too long and too boring. We recommend that you read about another subject.
Contents |
Political Direction
Saddam was supported by a bunch of idiots collectively known as the Baath party. It is not known yet if they actually bathed together during parties, but the fact remains that those dudes were idiots, partly because they couldn't do him any good, and partly because some of them had really silly names such as "Chemical Ali".
Wars
Saddam was, like any other third world country president, a peaceful dictator who silently kills his opponents without bothering anyone about it. This went on for years and years until he decided to do some stupid stuff, so he engaged in a series of wars.
Iraq-Iran
Out of boredom, Saddam decided to play war with Iran's Khumeini for many years. The war exhausted both countries, killed thousands, then stopped (again without an obvious reason).
Kuwait Invasion
Shortly after the war with Iran was over, his excellency felt really bored once again. Someone from the CIA leaked information to him that USA gives him a green light to invade Kuwait, take over the country, and turn it into an Iraqi governorate. CIA was kidding. But Saddam fell for the practical joke and sent over his troops.
George H. Bush, known as Bush the father, found this a golden chance to get some American military bills paid by the Arabian oil, so he called for The war on Iraq v1.0. This episode was a great hit, Kuwait was restored, Iraqi army was fucked badly, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Motivation Behind 2nd war
When Bush Junior came to the white house with the advent of the new millenium, the American economy was nosediving. US had spent too much on military research and equipment that the country's global economy was starting to suffer. USA, being that much of a superpower, had to find a quick solution.
Not a long time later, the two towers fell, and Osama Ben Ladin was held accountable. USA was so pissed off they decided to blow away all the countries in the axis of evil. These include: North Korea, Cuba, Sudan, Syria, the Soviet Union, and obviously Iraq. Due to budgetary issues, Bush realized he won't be able to battle all those countries at once, so he had to choose one. Afghanistan would have made sense, but it was already dead. Too bad! But he had to blame someone for the 9/11 attacks, and then kick their ass. Strangely enough, this someone was Saddam! And thus, "The war on Iraq v2.0" was released.
Bush had successfully managed to build a strong coalition of more than 40 countries. Here is the full list of all of them: USA, United Kingdom, and Italy. (OK OK, and Poland). Bush's best friend, Sir Tony Blair, was indeed a great support in this coalition. He was the main reason why Bush felt so confident, and always had a feeling that he was doing the right thing.
It is now known yet why or how Saddam was considered responsible for the 9/11 attacks. However, several theories were developed in attempt to demystify this puzzle. Here are a few of them.
Saddam's First Name!!!!
The word Saddam in Latin means "the man who cuts small trees". This could have been the reason why George H. Bush and George W. Bush both got scared.
Being Anti-Semitic
America hates anti-semitic people. And Saddam wasn't the biggest fan of Israel. He was also always a big fat mouth about how he has those great missiles that can be launched from Baghdad and wipe out Tel Aviv.
Bush Jr. Being Jealous
The "war on Iraq" v1.0 was a great success. Bush Jr. wanted to do something cool like his daddy did. So he considered "The war on Iraq v2.0".
Having Oil
OK Guys, let's be realistic! USA wanted oil, and Iraq had oil. All the crappy politics set aside, this is the only clear fact! How else can they get the oil without destroying all the country's infrastructure and then contracting Dick Cheney's Haliburton to rebuild it? Saddam had to go! Although the above fact is pretty clear and simple, the world doesn't work this way. Some drama is needed to prove to the world that USA is the "soldier of justice", and that they are doing all this shit to save humanity, and "make the world a better place" kinda shit.
The Drama
America is a very dramatic nation. This is quite clear from all the Hollywood movies they produce. To add a touch of drama to the Iraq war, the Bush administration decided to conduct a "Saddam Trial". Funny as it may sound, the trial was nothing but a comic masterpiece.
And The Curtains Go Down
The final scene of the drama had to be of equal suspense. Saddam was executed a few hours before year 2007 arrived, where the entire world was killing and cooking turkeys. It was also on the same day as the islamic "Eid", or "the holiday of sacrifice", where the entire islamic world was killing and cooking sheep. It is not yet known whether any of this is just a mere coincidence, or if there are any hidden messages USA is trying to send to the other Arab leaders!
Conclusion: How Well It Worked
In 2003, Bush stood on a military ship and declared the end of military operations against Iraq. Since then, thousands of American soldiers and tens of thousands of Iraqi children have been (and continue to get) killed. We're sure that Haliburton has made good money, but we are also sure that today's Iraq is still without a true leader, and is on the verge of a very serious civil war that is quite likely to split it into several statelets. We're also quite sure that the US coalition is still in deep, deep shit in there!
