Redneck

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Rednecks are stupid.

Really.

A Redneck is a white monkey that inhabits Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and the surrounding area. Many a retard believe that Rednecks have necks that are red. Most of them don't.

Contents 1 Habitat 2 Characteristics 3 Diet 4 Mating Habits 5 Habits 6 Beliefs

Habitat

The Redneck inhabits most Southeastern territory in the United States. Most of them live in dwellings known as "trailers". A group of these dwellings is called a "trailer park".

These "trailers" have wheels on them, giving the Redneck an opportunity to be nomadic and move when the area they live in becomes uninhabitable.

However, Rednecks don't seem to understand the uses of the wheel, since they are constantly attacked by tornadoes and floods every year. They still don't move.

Characteristics

The Redneck has white skin, crooked or missing teeth, and hair grown into a particular pattern known as a "mullet". During infancy, the Redneck will roam around the trailer, staying close to its mother (who is either incredibly skinny or incredibly fat). The baby wears a diaper, a "Lynard Skynard" T-shirt, or nothing at all.

Upon reaching adolescence, the Redneck will begin to masturbate frequently. When this is not enough, they seek a sibling or cousin of the opposite sex (they don't like gays) to fool around with. Most male Rednecks will start to develop a mullet at this stage.

Adult Rednecks live with both their parents and their offspring. Male adults have a full mullet. The male with gray streaks of hair in his mullet is known as the "silverback" and is dominant to all other male rednecks in his trailer park. He gets the first pick of fatback and cousins (mates).

Diet

A Redneck's diet consists of Kentucky Fried Chicken, biscuits, gravy, Coca-cola, Fatback

(whatever the fuck that is), grits, gravy, whiskey, catfish, and gravy.

Rednecks sometimes char the hell out of their food in a ritual known as a "barbeque". This ritual sometimes ends in mating between participants.

Mating Habits

A Redneck will often seek its sexual goals with a close-blooded relative. They often desire other monkeys they see on television, but they do not seek these other monkeys. This is due to their laziness, wanting to stay in their trailer parks. Barbeques serve as a chance to engage in sex.

Habits

The Redneck often watches television, mostly NASCAR, Walker Texas Ranger, and Blue Collar TV. The mother Redneck will stay home and smoke crack while ignoring her children. The father redneck will sit outside his trailer and work (aka drink scotch) while ignoring his children. Some adult male rednecks leave the trailer park just long enough to mate with a black woman. This does not happen too often, as rednecks hate black people.

Beliefs

Rednecks believe in a stupid thing called "Christianity". They believe the son of God was a guy named Jesus. He had a mullet like them. Priests will often don white sheets and hoods and honor Jesus's memory by burning a cross. This also serves to keep blacks out of their trailer park. Some of the less religious take advice from Walker, Texas Ranger. They are also heavily influenced by the teachings of Redneck prophets like Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy.