Rap
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Rap is stupid.
Rap is a type of music. Sort of. It is a favorite of a certain hip-hopping, ebonic speaking, car jacking, bastard child rearing sect of the American populace, as well as other wanna-be hip-hopping, ebonic speaking, car jacking, bastard child rearing sects. Rap essentially consists of a deep noisy bass beat capable of vibrating every single ass within a city block, a repetitive synth loop that induces headaches in anyone not jacked up on goofballs (tempered with Gin & Juice), and some ignorant ghetto fuck going on and on about jocking bitches. Curiously, oral dental procedures to cap teeth in gold are almost never discussed in detail in rap music, although they are almost universally implemented by rap musicians. Although Whitey has had some limited success in rap, the genre is owned mainly by the colored folk - but no matter the skin color, the real success stories of the rap world come straight from the SHTREET. AIGHT?
Contents |
Topics
The only topics discussed by rappers are Bitches, Hoes, Money, Pimping, and Niggers.
Bitches
Most of the time, rappers include “bitches” in their music videos to give the audience an idea of what the rapper is talking about when he says something like this:
Lick on deez nutz and suck the dick
Get's the fuck out after you're done
And I hops in my ride to make a quick run...
For those who don’t understand ghetto language, or Ebonics, here is a rough translation of Snoop Doggs, aka “Dee Oh Double Gee niggaz”:
Perform fellatio on these testicles and on my penis,
Leave my house once you have brought me to orgasm,
And I will get into my vehicle to go get some beer.
Here is another example:
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
hit me!
Translation:
I have 99 problems but none of these problems has anything to do with women
Raise the volume of the bass so I can feel it in my chest.
Hoes
Sluts.
Money
Most rappers agree with the statement that “Mo money mo problems.” This translates into “The more money I have, the more problems I have.”
The song, “Mo Money Mo Problems” by Notorius B.I.G. (Because he’s notoriously fat. Well, not anymore, since he got shot) has the following lyrics:
It's like the more money we come across
The more problems we see
One can see how he emphasizes certain things in his lyrics. He pauses after “what” even though it’s a fragment and he should consider revising, to emphasize the fact that “what” is a really important word in his lyrics. To most listeners, their response to the song is the exact same word.
Pimping
Most rappers refer to Pimping as “Pimpin.” In fact, after 10 minutes of searching Google, I could only find one artist that uses the complete word, “Pimping.” Eminem, who is curiously also white, uses the complete and correctly spelled word “Pimping” in his song “313.” See 31337.
In a recent poll, over 99% of rap artists decided that “pimpin’ ain’t easy.” What they mean by this is that owning a prostitute franchise is a lot of hard work and should not be taken lightly. It should also be mentioned that in most states except Las Vegas which is a state next to Oregon, Pimping is indeed illegal, however prostitution is encouraged for economic growth. Pimping was outlawed in the legendary court case Prostitution and Fruit Picking Union et. al. v Pimp Dee Oh to the Double G Why Magnet Ice et. Izzal.. This court case has most probably made pimping even harder, which further proves that Pimping indeed ain’t easy.
Niggers
Niggers is a name that black people have for other black people. Beware: If you are not black, you cannot use this word; you will risk being beat up by any dark person in the vicinity.
Black people sing about other black people, and refer to them as “niggas” which is a cool way of saying “niggers,” because pronouncing the letta “r” is just to fweaking queea fo’ all the cool people in the wowld.
“Artists”
In order to be a rap artist, you must agree to always say your name in any song you sing. Preferably, you should spell out your name, in case anyone wants to write it down. To make it easier, instead of saying a letter twice, saying the world “double” helps the writer to correctly inscribe your name. Here is an example by a rapper named “Snoop Dogg.” First, take the rules above and try to spell it out yourself. Now, look at how he does it, and learn:
D-O-double-giz-ee
D-O-double-giz-ee
He repeats the last part of his name, “Dogg” twice, just in case someone is still busy writing down “Snoop.” Notice that he says “giz-ee” instead of Gee, because he is referring to the act of ejaculation, when semen exits the penis at about 20 miles an hour, sometimes referred to as “jizz.”
Featuring…
On any rap song on a rap CD, all featuring artists MUST be included in the song name. Here is an example of a typical rap CD:
IntroI’m A Thug
Where U From (feat. Trina & Duece Poppi)
Noodle (feat. Tre+6)
Take It to Da House (feat. Trina)
Thump In the Trunk (Skit)
Can’t Fuck with The South (Feat. J.V.)
Survivin The Drought (feat. Duece Poppi)
Pull Over (Remix)(feat. Trina, Kase & Duece Poppi)
Notice that if a song has 3 additional singers, all are included in the track name so that wading through .mp3’s is almost impossible.
External Links
A translation of "Get Low," by Li'l John and the East Side Boys
