Pyramid
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Pyramids are stupid.
Built on the principle you can put smaller (or less) stuff on larger stuff, the concept of pyramids is hardly unique. Many cultures across the globe did so until they realized it was a colossal waste of time, money and real estate.
However, since then some mystic idiots have thought the concept of putting smaller stuff on top of larger stuff, then putting something even smaller than the small stuff on top is so unusual it is considered widespread evidence for aliens. Invariably, these people are stupid.
Also any chart or artificial organization that has less on top and more on the bottom, just like an unattractive woman, is often referred to as a pyramid.
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Ancient Monuments
Pyramids of antiquity can be found almost everywhere, but the only ones anyone cares about are located in Egypt and Mexico.
Egyptian Pyramids
The most famous pyramids are found in Egypt. They are funeral monuments to dead kings, known as Pharaohs. These Pharaohs did believe that yes, you can take it with you. Egypt’s entire economy revolved around building pyramids, which worked for a while. Everybody worked to see that those who came into the country after them worked on their funeral monuments when they were working on the ones for the guy above them. Soon everybody in Egypt was involved in the funeral monument industry and needed people under them, which could have been quite a problem if it wasn’t for the unlikely occurrence of a bunch of Jews signing labour contracts for the prevailing wage at the end of the week, all at the same time. Such an influx of workers drove down the wage to zero. (see: Judaism) This buoyed the Egyptian economy for a while until the populace realized the folly of ‘The Pyramid Scheme.’
Egypt has never quite gotten over the collapse of their economy, despite having 5000 years to do so, but being a featureless expanse of desert does make things difficult. They have developed a new economy based on selling crap to innocent tourists who travel to see various wastelands of nothingness that were once tool sheds or suchlike. Despite the changes, it is still a pyramid-based economy. Which is stupid.
Mexico
There are also pyramids in Mexico. Unlike the funerary monument of Egypt, these were where Mexicans used to slit each other's throats for religious reasons, setting the precedent for the way Mexicans still slice jugulars today for religious reasons, but in more informal settings. Their pyramids are stepped, which means the lazy Mexicans didn’t even bother to hide the fact their pyramids were just smaller things put on top of larger things.
Also, unlike Egypt, there are other things to do in Mexico than look at pyramids. These things involve tequila and hookers and if you are particularly jaded, a donkey. Looking at pyramids provides a convenient cover story for the real reason you're there.
Pyramid Mysticism
There are a lot of different, bizarre, and stupid beliefs surround pyramids.
One, previously mentioned, is that aliens were involved somehow. Scientists have yet to calculate the depths of stupidity involved in the leap of logic from “Lots of people figured out you can put smaller things on larger things” to “Aliens must have told them how.”
The second major claim is that the proportions and measurements of pyramids is some sort of mathematic code for higher mysteries of the Universe. The fact that the corner to corner distance of the square base when multiplied by π is the circumference of a circle that touches all four corners of the pyramid should be less than amazing, yet drives mathmatologists (hurr) practically to orgasm. There are even claims that there is a special unit, called a pyramid inch, which was arrived at by dividing the length of a pyramid by some real world number (you could use a high number, say the number of days in 25 years or the number of Christians who know that their religion is a sham.) They then reveal that if you multiply a pyramid inch by the same real world number, you get the length of a pyramid. This isn’t mysticism, this is 4th grade math.
Despite the invalidity and stupidity of other claims, keeping razor blades in a pyramid will sharpen them, and wearing a pyramid shaped hat will increase sexual stamina.
Pyramids as Structural Metaphors
Any organization of concepts or objects that have stratified classes that gradually reduce in size or number can be diagrammed as a pyramid to help stupid people understand. The most famous of these is the food pyramid, which grocery stores have misinterpreted into making displays that end up being knocked over for comic relief in films. It shows in progressive layers how people should have fewer servings of dead animal flesh than vegetables, and fewer vegetables than grain. Nonetheless the food pyramid really has less to do with nutrition and more to do with the size of the grain lobby in the United States and its effect on Congress.
Pyramid Dice
These dice are super cool. They have four sides instead of six, and so by definition are inherently more useful.
