Police
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
'Police' are stupid.
Police are fascists who frequent doughnut shops.
Contents |
Police
History
Police officers emerged sometime before 1975, when Benito Mussolini began narking on hippies. In 1984 officers began worshipping Hitler, Stalin and Chairman Mao; Big Brother, foreman of the conspiracy, assassinated George Orwell and stole his concept of dictatorial impunity. Today, police enfore inane statutes and issue citations. An overwhelming desire for global domination has become part of the officer's genetic makeup.
Function
A typical officer is brainwashed into believing their unit upholds the law. This is, of course, a misconception. Police generally accept bribes--monetary and sexual favours--and often target helpless minorities for extortion.
These citations are probably illegitimate, but citizens never argue these because the judges side with officers, who then obtain warrants to arrest you. Officers tend to close roads for no apparent reason, as well as confining drunks to the pen. Per capita, there are five secret police to every citizen; covert officers monitor your bathroom usage and whether or not you watch Cheers.
Uniform
Commonly, police don black shirts, with decorative red bands adorned with fine swastika embroidery.
Qualifications
If you can read this, you're probably overqualified. Also, physical fitness is irrelevant. Brutality is a must.
Favourite Pasttimes
1. Eating donuts.
2. Assaulting hippies.
3. Raping and pillaging.
5. Gay bashing.
Notable Officers
1. Heinrich Himmer, Adolf Hitler's love slave and Reichsführer-SS.
2. Chief Wiggum, champion of the doughnut.
3. Sherlock Holmes, a transexual Katie Holmes.
