Piercing
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Piercings are stupid.
Piercing is a type of softcore mutilation. It involves some bald hairy man in leather clothes sticking a surgical needle in your skin so it digs a hole where you can stick a piece of worthless metal that is, for some reason, called jewelry. Like with tattoos, the whole purpose of doing that is pissing off your mother, looking cool for strangers and fitting in with all the cool kids. Additional uses include getting an infection, getting the jewelry stuck on your clothes and setting off metal detectors. Unlike tattoos, however, piercings are not permanent. Otherwise it'd be the ultimate stupid body modification.
Hmm... I'd better stop before I give people ideas.
Contents |
Origin
Women have been piercing their ears for centuries so that they can be practical earring holders. Though that is certainly quite stupid, it wasn't until sometime before 1975 that Satanic fetishist gay bikers from New York decided it would be cool to pierce themselves so that they could have metal rods and balls in them at all times [oops, sorry! I actually put a fact here, won't happen again, I swear!]. Soon, closet fags that envied them decided to copy that idea, which then, much like AIDS, quickly spread to all their straight friends. Like all things stupid, it was a success and it still is a huge fad nowadays. Thanks a lot, gay bikers!
Places You Can Pierce
Thanks to the wonder of modern technology, it is possible to pierce pretty much any part of your body that has skin on it. Hooray!
...Yes, even the pussy...
Not only skin, but also other types of soft tissue like your tongue are pierceable too and...
...Yes, you can pierce your cock too.
Know what? Just scroll down, the information you're looking for is right down here:
Face
The face is a good option for piercing because it doesn't really hurt that much, and, unless you have the habit of sticking your head neck-deep into feces (which I don't doubt you might have), there shouldn't be many problems regarding infections. You can pierce your lips, your cheeks, your mustache, your chin, etc. It's a teenage favorite because it's apparent and there's plenty of room on a person's face to fill up with shiny dots, to the point you may look like Pinhead.
No, that's not "cool", asshat.
Septum
A piercing in the nose where you stick a half-ring, making you look like an angry bull. The nostrils can also be pierced. Popular among goth and emo kids. I guess that, besides that, there aren't many problems with this type of piercing, except for the nosebleeds for the first few days and the additional difficulty in picking out booger from your nose. But just you wait...
Nipples
The cool part about nipple piercings is that THEY HURT LIKE FUCKING HELL. Sure it takes an idiot to willingly go through the process of getting pierced just to look cool, but it takes a real masochist to pierce a highly sensitive area full of nerve-endings. It also takes an awful amount of time to heal and is very prone to rejection. It's especially dangerous in the hands tits of crazy mothers who want to look hip even while breastfeeding and decide not to take the jewelry off before letting the child feed. Simply a stroke of genius.
Navel
Common among teen whores, instead of a ring or half-ring, the jewel is usually the kind that hangs and flaps around. It is stupid because the bellybutton is pretty much the gutter of the belly, to which all the dirt, sweat and dead skin converges. Truly a party for bacteria. One stupid Brazillian girl once died of septicemy because she tried to do it at home. Go, Darwin!
Tongue
Now, what better place to inflict a wound than a cavity that is dark, warm, moist and tends to gather partially digested food leftovers? And, as a bonus, you also get to risk it breaking your teeth if you sleep with it often. Also, it hurtsa lot, I mean you probably have bitten your tongue once in your life, by accident, or had someone bite it, if you're not a lonely wanker. You should know it hurts. Now imagine it getting thrust by a fucking needle. When you get it done, you won't be able to eat for a whole day and will be talking like a retard for at least a week. Real smart.
Genitals
I bet you skipped it all just to get to this part, eh? Bet you were expecting some pics too. Well, forget it. We're not some lame ass perv-ridden Wikipedia shit. This is a respectable place, goddammit.
O, boy, where do start? I The cunt is like the mouth, except even darker (after all, it is the place where the sun doesn't shine upon), warmer, more humid, full of bacteria and in close contact with urine. Also, unless you're a frigid bitch, it's a very sensitive region. The same goes for the cock, though it's not as humid, but it's still sensitive as hell.
Some people find it sexy, but a genital piercing is the same as saying: "Since I'm not using it any way, I might as well just go ahead and fuck it up already". Intercourse between two pierced people must be very, very ugly - not to mention hilarious - and how in the world a person puts a condom on a Prince Albert (stupid, stupid name) is beyond me.
Also, I should remind you that Fred Durst has a Prince Albert piercing. Yes, you heard it right. Fred Durst. I rest my case.
Did You Know...
...that according to the Guinness Book of Records the man with the most piercings in his body was a Canuck called Brent Moffatt, with aboot 700 hundred needles in his body. Pertty awesome, eh?
