Penis
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Penes are stupid.
Don't bother looking that up, it's spelled correctly.
The Penis is what males have. It is also called the little head, Rumple Foreskin, Tootsie Roll Snake, one-eyed monster, one-eyed wonder, shaft, sword, meat whistle, skin flute, love muscle, Roto-rooter, cock, nob, bishop, wang, hotrod hump mobile, dong, cucumber, salami, Sausage, kielbasa, schlong, dink, tool, burrito, Big Ben, Mister Happy, prick, pecker, peter, pee-pee, wee-wee, weiner, pisser, pistol, middle-leg, third-leg, joystick, dipstick, mutton dagger, beef bayonet, donger, ding-a-ling, German helmet, plonker, pork dagger, purple-headed warrior, spam javelin, stalk, stonker, tadger, tallywhacker, tummy banana, Hooded Warrior, willy or steve.
There is only one thing you really should know: Penis CAN be broken. So you better take care!
Contents |
Uses
The Penis may be used to give AIDS, HIV, or rape to someone.
A penis can be used to deal 1d4+str sex damage, or 1d6+str sex damage when used by a black man. They deal x3 damage on a critical hit when used from behind. The AIDS DC is constitution based, and the Rape DC is strength based.
Men and Their Penii
Robin Williams once said, "God gave men a penis and a brain, and enough blood to use one of them at one time," or something like that. Ironically, he came up with this when he was raping a midget and she asked him why he was doing so. He killed her, so it doesn't really matter. Most scientists speculate that man will one day evolve to use both their brain and their penis at the same time, in a slow process that involves total cerebral migration to the head of their genitalia. Eventually mans real head will shrivel up and fall off, allowing the entirety of their facial features, sinus systems and brain to integrate into the heads of their dicks. It will also then finally be possible to get women pregnant, by kissing them.
Urination
Because men have penes, they can point where their urine goes. This has lead to the invention of the Urinal which is basically a machine that restaraunts have that takes half of your urine and splashes the rest back onto your pants and/or legs if you're wearing shorts. Then you go back and finish your meal in said restaraunt and when food accidently lands in your lap, you eat it up happily, along with your urine. Enjoy, dumbass!
Maintenance
The penis is a very delicate instrument which can easily break or chaff with improper care and cleaning. The most common way to clean it is with soap and your hand. This however can wear your arm out very quickly, and can lead to another use of the penis (see Masturbation).
The second most common way to clean the penis would be with scalding water and a toothbrush. This is preferable if you have not bathed in an extended period of time, as the toothbrush can easily break away "dirt" and grime caked to the penis.
Another popular way to clean your giggle-stick is with iron wool and rubbing alcohol. This is the preferred method after waking up after a heavy night of drinking next to your cousin, or the fat chick down the street. This has shown an increase in use by fraternity members because of these reasons.
Last, but most certainly not least, is a preventative measure rather than a restorative approach. An increasing number of men and hermaphrodites have been having their penises rhino lined to prevent the dirtying effects of normal wear and tear. Of course this has also lead to an astonishing decrease in the amount of masturbation in adult men. What many have tried in place of the normal friction would be electro-shock therapy on the genitals, or pressure on the prostate applied through their ass.
Categories: Sexor | Sport | Gay | Honorable Mention
