Myspace
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Myspace is stupid.
Myspace is a social networking website created for preteens and teens as a way to further isolate themselves from their parents and sexualize themselves more quickly. Myspace allows these children to create an entire web page dedicated to themselves and they generally decorate it accordingly. Many kids who think they're "hip" and "cool" use Myspace and spend hours looking at other people's profiles, endlessly posting poorly written messages and waiting for the love of their life to come online.
Myspace is a place where teens spend excessive ammounts of time becoming lazy and not knowing what else to do. They become addicted to the website and spend hours staring at the computer screen.
Contents |
Myself
i am a pathetic loser, 40 years of age still living with my mum who does not have anything else to do but bitch about a younger generation form of enjoyment :)
Stupid People On Myspace
There are many types of kids who use myspace: Goths, pussy hounds, slutty attention whores and losers are just a few examples.
The Tween Crowd
This group mainly consists of gretty machette she goes on myspace all day and does all the things u mentioned below
Goths
Goths, as in real life, are the shittiest (and gayest) Myspace users. They make their backgrounds all black with some death metal or punk rock band, and take pictures of themselves in white makeup or extreme closeups to hide acne or obesity. They have songs by Linkin Park playing in loops on their page, which also happens to be the music that they cut themselves to (see Suicide). Goths also like to use Myspace to post a suicide note after someone takes them off their top 8.
Pussy Hounds
These users tend to post pictures of their big muscles or them riding a wave on their long pieces of foam they call "Surf Boards." They also post pictures of themselves with attractive women, who 99% of the time turn out to be their sister or cousin. Since about 50% of Americans live in The South, this also means that 50% of these women have had or are having sexual relations with the man in question. These users are well known for sending out bulk form letters consisting solely of: "Hey your hot."
Miguel, in other words.
Slutty Attention Whores
These girls post pictures of themselves in bikinis and revealing clothing because they think that this will somehow improve their lives. In fact, all it does is get them raped. Sometimes Rape is justifiable. These users are well known for leading along the Pussy Hounds, sending hundreds of short, barely-qualifying-as-messages in order to get more compliments posted on their page.
Losers
These are mostly fat or ugly people who take wierd pictures of themselves in what's known as the fatty ninja cam-whore fakeout shot. This is to either hide their fat or their ugliness so people won't ridicule them on the World Wide Web.
Scenesters
Scenesters are by far the worst type of Myspace user. They are high in numbers and low on opinions. Scenester Myspace pages usually have a small font, with random quotes like "I murder faces!!!" so that others will view them as "eccentric" and "unique." Pictures of these dreaded scenesters are commonly black in white and distorted with awful pictures drawn in paint, to once again fool viewers into thinking they are artistic and complicated. They will usually have the most number of friends, often pushing five digits, because they have no friends in real life and desperately care about what other people online think about them.
Unfortunate Gay Guys
Since the near collapse of Friendster in 1984, many of the orphaned gay males have transitioned to Myspace in hopes of reconnecting with past hookups, fellow fashion victims, and other gay males of the sort that are routinely seen in cities carrying empty messenger bags. Myspace is used by many gay men for self-aggrandizement, as they will often have thousands of friends (97.6% of whom they do not know or will never meet in person.)
Unfortunate Gay Guys will use background images of female celebrities dressed in nearly nothing in order to attract guys that are seeking masculine guys. You see, posting images of females and other assorted hot girls announces a gay man's masculinity regardless of how broken his wrists may be. Many other gay males also use "tricked-out rides" (cars) to further advertise their masculinity.
On the flip side are fashion victims and label sluts, who post images of designer labels, shoes, bags, purses (for some), underwear, shirts, and other assorted clothing items. You see, labels increase gay men's chances for a hookup, or in this case a new Myspace friend -- or maybe even a rocking message posted by some other fashion victim to the tune of "yOu RoCk ToTaLlY!"
Overtly Sexual Bisexual Woman
One of the more common subgroups on Myspace is the Overtly Sexual Bisexual Woman. In reality, this woman is a fifteen year old boy masturbating at his computer. He gets quite a rush every time a member of the Pussy Hounds leaves him a dirty comment or message. While most people would shrug off such an obviously fraudulent profile as a parody of the Slutty Attention Whores, the Pussy Hounds find the OSBW a prime candidate for “discreet” fun outside of Myspace. As coincidence would have it, the fifteen year old male is also the majority of the Role Playing Crowd.
The Role Playing Crowd
The Role Playing Crowd is an intricate network within the social networking scene that must carry on the legacy of such canceled bastions of pop culture as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While masturbating to Myspace is great fun, it’s made all the more pleasurable when you're trading messages as if you were living a doomed romance between Willow and Buffy. The Role Playing Crowd doesn't pose a great threat to anybody, being largely self-contained and speaking its own fantasy language.
MySpace Stupidity
MySpace stupidity is rampant. Despite the fact that the site is featured by news programs and other media outlets nonstop, most Myspace users think that since it is on the Word Wide Web it's private and nobody can see it but their "friends!"
Random Capitalization
People use myspace to completely destroy the punctuation of the English Language. MoST MySpAcE UsERs TyPe LiKe ThIs, IsN'T iT aWeSomE?
It's hard to read and it takes about 4 times longer to write, but thats what 13 year olds think is cool to do on the World Wide Web.
Shitty backgrounds
To make things even more difficult, people post pictures on their background that make everything on their site impossible to read. More often than not, the pictures don't scroll with the text, so its almost impossible to try to figure out whats going on. The most common background is a variation of the Playboy Bunny, or some overly plastically-enhanced celebrity - used to reinforce the idea that the user is "hot."
Streaming Music
People who use Myspace think that everyone who visits their shitty profiles wants to listen to the music they listen to. The idea is that sharing ones music will elicit "OMG UR SO COOL I LUV THIS BAND PLZ COME OVER SO WE CAN HAVE SEX LOL?!" comment on their wall, which is like a primitive forum board with only one topic: "How much do you like my gay profile?"
Unfortunately, the streaming music is almost always the worst of the worst, but to add insult to injury the volume of the embedded music is orders of magnitude louder than anything else you might have been listening to on your computer causing it to blare out of your speakers at an earsplitting decibel level. If you don't have a heart attack and die, you generally swear loudly and promise to yourself you will never to fucking visit Myspace again. You lie. Sadly due to the massive numbers of people that use Myspace and the sheer stupidity of these huddled masses, the streaming of music has boast the public's exposure to such classics as: "Ms. New Booty." "My Humps" "Lips Of An Angel" "Sexay Back", which also coincidentally serve as the anthems of the Slutty Attention Whore cultures.
AOL speak
AOL speak is the lowest form of language known to man, which says a great deal since as you'll recall, people started communicating by grunting and pounding the ground. Instead of typing out whole words like "your," people save time by typing "ur" and looking like complete idiots. Also, the use of numbers has transformed words such as "Before" to "b4."
Suicide/Murder Notes
MySpace is quite popular for teenagers pursuing suicide or murder pacts. If not carried out, such public pacts inevetibly result in much goading and taunts of 'omigod ur so lame1'. If carried out, such pacts result in postings such as 'Dude, I cant beleve u killed ur mom!!!!' and 'u r goin to jail sucked IN lol!!!!!!!!'. Being the complete fucktards that they are, the operators of MySpace leave such pages publicly visible for weeks after the suicide(s)/murder(s) occur, thus encouraging other attention seeking losers to top themselves or kill their mom and talk about it on MySpace.
Popularity
Web design experts claim that Myspace is the single most worst designed website to have over 30 million clicks a day. With over 100 million registered, the dumbest thing is that there's probably only half of that at most due to losers making more than one page.
Categories: People | Places | Intarweb | Computing | Sexor | Pussies | Honorable Mention
