Money

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Money is stupid.

Money, which is usually referred to as currency or whatever the fuck in your stupid nation, is used to procure transactions of items. It was invented sometime before 1975 and has since become widely popular thanks to the lack of sheep people are willing to trade, or barter, since they'd rather keep them and fuck them all night long.

Money: A history lesson

Sometime before 1975, money was gold/silver/copper and sheep. Only sheep. This was called bartering, where instead of trading pieces of worthless coloured paper, you traded items that you believed would be equal value to what you were getting, maybe a cow is 5 sheep, or 2 sheep, whatever you want. Maybe its 1 lump of gold, either way, it made a lot more sense than paper and coins which aren't worth nearly as much in comparison. Someone decided this wasn't complex enough for people to comprehend, and invented currency as we know it today.

Money is different in different nations, but for the sake of argument, lets use the most fucked up one, the united states dollar bill. While it's value decreases over time and is worth less than a Pound(money) it's still pretty decent.

Money was invented sometime before 1975 when rich people realized that it became increasingly hard to shove sheep under your bed, in your pocket, and other various locations which may or may not include assholes. A rich faggot contemplated with his sheep on a hot summer day, and thought to himself,

"We should obviously have paper to trade instead of sheep, because sheep is much too difficult to put in my pocket, I mean Jesus Christ all he does is baa all day and in order to make him fit in my pocket I have to cut him up which sours my pants and people think I shit my pants and its really just not cool."

Upon seeing this idea, god saw the idea and ran with it. And thus, god created money as we know it today.

Money as we know it

Money is used to trade for items of value, which are probably marked up 1020% because the guy selling it to you is an asshole and loves money. Why does he love money? He loves the sweet smell of it in his hands, the crisp feel of it, the taste, what it means to him, the phallic symbol of god on the back, it makes him really hot.

The fact is that anyone with boatloads of cash is probably an asshole, and anyone without boatloads of cash is also an asshole because on their never ending quest to obtain boatloads of cash they will be an asshole to everyone they know to get it. This leads to the fact that everyone is an asshole. Everyone, and I mean everyone, (except Jews because all Jews have boatloads of cash from birth) is an asshole.