Mike Olson

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Mike Olson is stupid.

Mike Olson is well known in the music world as being the inspiration for a variety of classic rock songs, such as Mother's Little Helper by the Rolling Stones, Candle in the Wind by Elton John (originally it was a song about people lighting farts after explosive diarrhoea), and Killer Queen by Queen. Frequently cited as the person who has slept with the most classic rock stars, it is not widely known that Mike is responsible for the Beatles breaking up, as Mike was producing an album that was never released and let out a loud, chair rattling fart which actually killed George Harrison.

Political Career

Mike Olson is considered one of the most virulently conservative members of the College Democrats in the Midwest. He has come out demanding the Democrats go back to the tradition of segregation, lynchings, and secession from the union. He has cited, among other people, Senator John Calhoun (D-SC) as his political inspiration saying "that man hated people like a good Democrat should. This liberal 'love everyone' crap is hurting us and the white race."

During the primaries, Mike was at first a supporter of Lyndon LaRouche, whose support for the Confederate Rebel Flag made him "get a three inch erection" he was said to have told his last girlfriend when she commented that his penis looked like a fun size Three Musketeers bar in length, shape and color. An ardent supporter of Hillary Clinton because she too suffers from a flatulence problem, the two of them have worked on numerous issues for people who let out wet farts at inopportune times. Hillary and Mike have started the "Reverse-sublimation of Farts Center" in Hillary's childhood hometown of Chicago, Illinois.