Michael Moore
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Michael Moore is stupid.
Michael Moore is a shining example of a 'do as I say' liberal, hell-bent on surreptitiously turning the USA into a communist organization. He has vowed to personally see George W Bush out of office, countering the president's stupidity with his own brand of finely-tuned hypocrisy as Moore is a gun-toting pacifist, believes Americans are morons and hates big corporations, except for the ones he owns shares in. He also doesn't seem to realise that it is no longer 2001, Bush did win Florida, and baseball caps went out of fashion in 1984. Michael Moore is certainly a goon. Seriously, just look at him.
Contents |
Work
Books
Michael Moore's first book was "Downsize This!", his personal defence of his choice to eat as much fast food as a carbon-based life form can manage. In the book he challenges the fascist idea that being obese is offensive to those in the world that are starving, and argues that if they started shouting at their own governments they'd make truckloads of money. The head of OXFAM once questioned the author over his motives, but Moore was unable to respond due to all the pie he'd stuffed into his mouth. Mmm, blueberry.
His second book was entitled "Stupid White Man", a personal biography.
His third and latest (dear God please make it the last!) book is his literary masterpiece "Dude Where's My Country?", which tells the tale of Moore's inability to remember how to return home after a trip to Canada. It all turns out well in the end as the American government smuggle him back into the US in return for 5 members of the Bin Laden family. Oh yes, Osama's actually in Canada. He needed to hide in an abysmally dull country that even the inhabitants don't give a shit about. Et voila.
Films
Moore's first films were smutty porn movies made to help get his career off the ground. "Roger & Me" is a heart-warming tale of a homosexual who has to convince his lover Roger that he is more than just a talentless blimp. The inspiration for this came from the American Republic of Britain, as over there 'roger' means to have certain intimate relations. Of course in Britain they call soccer football. Mad as hatters they are guv'na.
After "Roger & Me" came "Candid Bacon", which dissected the daily lives of a pig community in Colorado. Although largely overlooked by most, the film did bring to attention a young Ben Stiller. The film that got Moore noticed though was "The Big One", which of course needs no introduction, it being the major blockbuster of 1903. Many in Hollywood liked its sheer size and bulk, with a number of critics impressed by its consistency and staying power (penis jokes ROFLMAO!!!1). Soon after Moore was given a camera, a gun and was told he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to.
Moore wanted to branch out from his previous work, and so the latest films he has made have been put into the broad category of 'documentary', and within that the smaller category of 'opinion-laden crap'. "Bowling For Columbine" assesses the problem a small-town community has when it discovers there is nobody able enough to champion the lanes in an upcoming tournament. The second of these was "Fillmore 9/11", a damning indictment of the 13th President of the United States' bill granting territorial status to New Mexico. Although the premise had promise (try saying that after copious amounts of alcohol), a lot of the footage was Moore going off on completely unrelated tangents and standing outside large buildings, and was met with disapproval from the American public. Naturally this meant that the French loved it and gave Moore his own personal 'Brix of congratulations'.
Our intrepid campaigner is now making a film analysing the common retard, sympathetically entitled "Sicko". In this moving fly-on-the-padded wall social commentary Moore asks whether or not the mentally challenged should be allowed to continue to work in government jobs, or is it time to lock them up in cages as first suggested by a Mr. J Asshole (possibly Moore himself in disguise, or one of several potential idiots that write their shit at EOS).
Accomplishments
Jumping on the bandwagon
As soon as America found out terrorism was on the menu, every asshat sociopath was desperate to raise 'controversy' (or for the more technically-minded: bitch mindlessly) over the government's failings and garner a cult following of angry nationalists, ready to stand outside various embassies with 'OMG ITZ ALL BUSHS FULT LOL' placards. Moore emerged as the main man to lead the charge, mainly due to the fact that he could shout louder than the others and he developed a habit of eating potential opponents.
Raising Controversy
As soon as the bandwagon had been crushed due to Moore's immense bulk, every whining Conservative submitted anonymous complaints to the 'Today Show' to try and derail him. Mainly it boiled down to calling him a liar, accusing him of making shit up. Moore was taken to court over this allegation but was acquitted, possibly because he threatened to devour the entire jury if found guilty. Moore famously defended himself at the Oscars, and by 'defended' I mean he'd had a few too many whisky chasers and got a bit excited (staff at a nearby hotel later reported that a 'severely inebriated whale-like' man had been knocking on all the doors in the establishment asking the occupants if they would enlist their children in the military).
The 'Broken Record' Mindset
Moore is one of the modern pioneers of this, due to his watertight pattern of 'moan, wait for reaction, defend against criticism, repeat' ad infinitum. Variations of this tactic are/were used by the writers of Family Guy, Bill Gates and Adolf Hitler.
Da Bomb
Recently Moore helped prevent the US government from nuking Nevada, adding to the list of reasons why nobody likes him.
Dealing With A Gargantuan Liberal Fuckwit
Swift and effective action must be taken soon, or else Moore will evolve into Mooremon (not to be confused with Mormon, one of which is almost as big a threat) and unleash his 'Socialist Rant', which deals 80hp damage. The most popular solution is to pit him against the remaining members of Republican supporting 70s band Lynyrd Skynyrd in a caged death match at the next Wrestlemania, with Marilyn Manson as the referee. Of course having a referee in a death match is fairly redundant, but there is the hope that he would be killed in the crossfire.
So What Is Mikey Up To These Days?
"Well, I can't tell you what I'm doing, but you can pretty much guess".
