Messenger Bag

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Typical fag with messenger bag in a Tysons Corner, Virginia department store.

Unknown group of fags with their messenger bags in Washington, DC.

Messenger bags are stupid. Messenger bags are stupid. Messenger bags are stupid. Messenger bags are stupid.

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History of The Messenger Bag

The messenger bag was invented some time before 1975 by a Jewish homosexual male in Brunswick, New Jersey. The messenger bag didn't take off very well until 1984 when it was marketed to bike messengers in New York, Los Angeles, and Boston.

Shortly before the marketing campaign to bike messengers, the original inventor deleted some concepts like the Cool Condom Pouch and the Nifty Douche Pocket. Bike messengers used to messenger bags with great success until 1987 when some of their shoulders started falling off due to excessive chafing.

In 1988 the messenger bag developed a cult-like following by a group of gay males in New York's Chelsea neighborhood which later led to a massive crime wave. Street robbers that subscribed to Criminal Magazine received the news of the local cult-like following and began beating and robbing them.

In 2000 metrosexuals and homosexuals brought back the messenger bag by buying them from overpriced shitty stores and wearing them to overpriced shitty clubs which in turn landed the messenger bag on glossy print in overpriced shitty magazines full of advertisements and repeating articles (see Men's Health.)

Currently the messenger marks an up to date fashion victim or an overly active lesbian activist.

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Uses of The Messenger Bag

In non urban areas where walking is prohibited by law, people will put their messenger bag on in their car and drive to the local mall (usually anchored by Sears) and prance around hoping that other people will admire their fag bag, err, messenger bag.

In urban areas the messenger bag is often worn without contents (empty) in order to look more urban or trendy.

In schools messenger bags are used to shuttle drugs, porn, test answers, and cigarettes all while looking innocent.

In shopping malls messenger bags are often used to assist in shoplifting by poor people and black people. White people shoplift by stuffing things up their assholes.

Some prissy bitches will carry modified messenger bags to hold rat sized dogs.

Lesbian activists and other types of ultra Democrat hippies will find messenger bags a useful canvas for displaying several thousand bumper stickers and quirky buttons. It is guaranteed that hundreds of people will stop to read a messenger bag's flap because messenger bag owners are very influential people.

Extremists from Gaza have used messenger bags in the past to hold the electronics and some explosives to be used in the suicide bomb category.

Prostitutes, err, I mean massage therapists will revel in the relative roominess of a messenger bag with all kinds of room for massage related items: condoms, baby wipes, lubricating fluids, female condoms, diaphragms, Cialis, and of course... massage fluid (which is the same as lubricating fluids, unless it's oil based and in which case it shouldn't be used with condoms.)

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