Madonna
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Madonna is stupid.
Madonna is an American pop singer, actress, media whore and slut. Her dubious talent and her penchant for dress and behavior calculated solely to be outrageous (so as to whip up yet more media attention) has made her a force of nature to be reckoned with.
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Madonna Today
Madonna's vanity knows no bounds as she releases self-indulgent video after self-indulgent video of herself engaging in various acts that range from S&M and bondage to getting lost in a hotel with her children. Unfortunately for Madonna and her vanity, due to the ravages of old age, she is still deteriorating into a disgusting gnarly old woman with a giant stinky vagina. Because of this fact, she has a workout regimen designed to keep her from having to resort to plastic surgery. Working out so much has made her quite muscular - and veiny. She looks like at any moment her veins might explode in a crimson shower of stringy sinew and flesh. Because of this, Madonna-watchers are taking bets on when she decides that she can no longer work out, due to the ravages of age, or because of breaking one or more of her hips. When this happens it is generally felt that Madonna will gladly resort to surgery, and in short order will begin looking like freakshow Joan Rivers.
Timeline of Madonna's Career
The 80's: I'm a Big Tarty Slut
Madonna started out her career by bragging in song that she could have sex like a virgin, "touched for the very first time." It is assumed that this was supposed to be somehow sexy, rather than truthful, because sex with virgins usually goes something like "OW OW FUCK GET OFF ME FUCK OW GODDAMN" followed by lots of bleeding. Decidedly unsexy. But the cover shot of her in lingerie casting you, the music listening public, with a "fuck me" smirk, won the hearts of teenage girls the world over. Yes, it makes no sense.
The 90s: There Is Nothing I Won't Do to Stay Relevant
No seriously. You see, Madonna defines "relevant" as "still in the media". Her 80s star fading faster than her ability to record crappy songs, she resorts to burning effigies of Jesus and wearing giant cones on her tits. It is during this decade that Madonna gives us all AIDS. Of the face.
The 00s (Double-nots): LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME
During this decade Madonna inspires Cher to make shitty dance-floor music by making an album's worth of her own. Madonna also marries that director dude who made the cool BMW commercial with Madonna in it. What's that guy's name? Ah, nobody cares. He knocked her up a couple of times and now Madonna has some crotchfruit around the house so that she can feel that her life is complete. Because of her desire to be "relevant," Madonna made the mistake of picking Britney Spears (who has now legally changed her name to Redneck McChainsmoke) to suck face with on MTV. Shortly thereafter Britney had two children, gained a hundred pounds and her career ended.
Conclusion
The only reason anybody pays any attention to Madonna anymore is simply for the inevitable trainwreck of age to finally beat down this husk of an attention whore that has no concept of the terms "quit while you're ahead" and "age gracefully." Everyone will have the last laugh when nobody wants to see Madonna's nasty saggy tits, but rest assured, you'll get your chances to in the pages of Hustler magazine, which in 2025 will be the only publication that will run the photos.
