MTV
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
MTV is stupid
MTV used to be an amazing force of media and entertainment with the ability to change the world. And change the world it did. It turned a generation of young TV watchers into a media savvy, culturally aware group of capitalist consumers. The next generation of filth to be stabbed in the eyes on a daily basis by this whore mongering death vacuum would be subjected to a whole different reality of sloppy shows, game shows, quiz shows, dance shows, and shows about getting high and getting laid. Which in turn turned them all into whores with no jobs and enough lip gloss to choke and die on.
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Origin
MTV stands for Make Them Vomit which is what they do to an audience of over one jillion frat boys, goth girls, and homeless junkies (could be the withdrawl) on the regular. With this corporate agenda in mind it has been getting bigger and bigger with more sponsors and ex celebrity appearances than the Super Bowl. MTV used to show music videos in 1984 but then decided to change their format since it had nothing to do with their name. This made the original fanbase mad so they made MTV2.
MTV2
MTV 2 was created to show videos for some stupid reason. Then eventually the suits smartened up and began putting reruns of their two bit shows on the air another 24 hours a day in order to sell zit cream and magazines.
MTV HD
The cutting edge in television will be launched sometime in the future. They have been working on this for over 8 years and have approximately 19 seconds of footage to show for it. Breaking news indicates it has just been launched and it's pretty fucking stupid as well.
Media Monopoly
The cash cow that used to be MTV is now owned by VIACOM and Satan himself, Rupert Murdoch. After his tour with the A-Team Murdoch decided to get into broadcasting and invested in the failing television channel. With his guidance and ability to change appearance, MTV has been able to pass itself off as a successful company with a loyal fanbase of intelligent consumers.
Fanbase
MTV's viewing audience is as rich and dynamic as its programming. There are many viewers who transcend description and are as supra human as any X-Man you are liable to meet.
The Tweens
The Tweens are the real money makers. They take mommy and daddy's money and spend it on Protools sample discs with a small white boy or a large black man with an equally small penis humming over the samples. They are also known to spend alot of cash on looking like the female 'talent' that appears on the channel though they never spend any money on the CD's themselves.
The Thugs
The thugs are the real badasses that steal everyones lunch money at MTV. They are the hardest clique you would never want to meet. They live the gangster lifestyle that all the rappers sing about. The cars, the rims, the guns. It's all right in their living rooms. The they will never ever lay their hands on it or live anywhere near it. But they see it and hear enough about it that they think it's real. Hence, "Keep it real"
The Alternateens
Since alternative is for old farts nowadays, these alternateens tend to find the act with the least amount of credibility and talent and label them as the new saviors of the world. It's a skill and they are the only ones able to take that shitty cover band from the bar that nobody goes to and praise them for writing amazing original material such as Hotel California, Fame, and Ziggy Stardust.
The Educated Listeners
These fuckwads think Alicia Keys is classical because she can play chopsticks.
Merchandising
You can get anything from MTV. Not just a wealth of useful, thoughtful, well constructed entertainment. But lunchboxes, earrings, tampons, condoms, floor wax, dildo batteries, even hair plugs with the MTV logo proudly displayed on it somewhere. And if that isn't enough, they'll also consider you for an unpaid internship if you are certified retarded and a seat on TRL.
TRL
TRL totally changed MTV forever when it aired on Tuesday. TRL which is an acronym for The Real Losers, takes its bestest fans and gives them an opportunity to watch as a guy tells them what 10 second clip of a song it about to play on the air. Rumor has it that the 10 second clips are from 3 hour films of songs that the bands make and would take entirely too much time to show what with all the product placements they need to fill.
Times Square
The following Thursday MTV decided to make its offices well known and built an elaborate facade in Times Square so that a flock of sheepish morons could pile onto Broadway and stare up at neon and glass for 2 hours everyday in the hope that Heath Ledger might wave a hand at them and make their little vaginas wet for some unknown reason. This has to be the best to ever happen to New York City. The people who live there must love these little retards gathering on an already overpopulated street with their I HEART JT signs, braces, and period blood dripping onto the sidewalk. If you haven't experienced this yet, you haven't lived.
New Format
MTV will once again be changing their format to truly give the public what it wants. Starting this Sunday it will be showing all species of animals taking shits in weird places. With tags and labels just like the videos used to have it is a great compromise to make both the old fans and the new fans watch more than ever before. The new artists it will be focusing on include. Sleepy Bear with their new hit 'Shitting in a River' and Avril Levine's new hit "I Poop in My Food And Eat It"
