Life
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Life is stupid.
Life is God's gift to everyone, but being the greedy deity he is, he only lends it out on lease. Of course, not really being our possession, life should be used and abused as much as possible just like any other object lent to you. Life is also the opposite of Death, though no one is exactly sure why that is.
For some bizarre reason a strangely high number of kids do not understand this, and frequently decide to opt out of God's deal.
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Having no life
Some (or a lot) of people claim, or deny, having no life. These individuals, usually Dungeons and Dragons basement dwellers, spend all of their time sitting at their computer, downloading porn featuring women they'd never, ever be able to sleep with. This is what is called "having no life".
Once you have no life there is no way of regaining one - which makes a living life-lacker the living dead.
Value of life
$1975. No joke.
Life Cereal
This cereal was created before 1975 as one of the new ways for parents to forego caring for their children. In this instance, by substituting food at breakfast with small square pieces of cereal which consist primarily of corn syrup, old ground up newspapers and MSG (Monosodium Glutamate).
Life Board (Bored) Game
Invented before 1975, Life was a game that tried to ride the gravy train started by the dust bowl era game, Monopoly (also stupid.) Cheap, crappy and overpriced are the hallmarks of this kind of game. Contestants spin a lame clicky dial thing to determine spaces to move their “car” on the playing surface. The different spaces indicate situations in the game that replicate situations in actual life. For example: “You have AIDS, move back 3 spaces” or “Congratulations, you have had your 5th child out of wedlock, apply for welfare.” The first player to reach the end of the board gets to be placed in the crooked nursing home featured on the last episode of Dateline. All the runners up are to play Russian Roulette with the semi-automatic pistol provided with the game.
