Knut
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Knut is stupid.
Knut is just a stupid polar bear, who's getting way too much media attention and becoming a celebrity.
Contents |
The Beginning
Knut was born in a zoo in Berlin, Germany. Because sometimes mammals get stressed when they give birth with too many people around, his mother rejected him. That is perfectly understandable because if you were a pregnant Canadian polar bear living in a country of fetishist weirdos, you too would get pretty pissed off if you had lots of German people and tourists (and German tourists) around while you try to push a little monster out of your cunt. Nevertheless, a biologist then adopted Knut to feed him and stuff, so he wouldn't die. Everything was normal and dandy, until...
The Rise to Fame
Enraged at the unnatural decision of the biologist to adopt a wild animal (because you know, zoos are, like, totally natural) and without anything better to worry about, some crazy-ass activists called Frankfurt Wurst or something like that, threatened to kill Knut, claiming he should die for being rejected. This threat appeared on a newspaper and, amazingly, the German people cared enough to protest against Knut being killed, just because he was cute and fluffy.
The Knutmania
The protest was successful, the zoo gathered a whole assful of journalists, furries, children and bear-lovers and, before you knew it, Knut was known all over the world. He appeared in newspapers, in the German Vanity Fair magazine and people even composed him not only one, but two awful, awful songs. The Berlin zoo celebrates, because they're cashing in a lot out of this so-called Knutmania and intend on squeezing every single penny they can from this before Knut's 15 minutes of fame end. Oh, yeah, he also got threatened again later, but people are just not buying it anymore.
The Future
Knut is now a teenager, which, allied to the fact that his mother didn't love him, means he must be feeling very angsty. He'll soon start drinking heavily, smoking, masturbating and listening to Rammstein at loud volumes. He's also not cute anymore. In fact, he's becoming a maiming/killing machine known as polar bears, which is what he is. But, despite that, the Berlin money-grabbers zoo has plans of using him to make people aware of global warming as well as making a movie about him called "Knut and Friends". I'm not joking, this is fucking serious. They secretly wish that the Coca-cola Company will buy Knut and use him as their official marketing polar bear.
There's Also a Band...
...called Knut, yeah, but nobody even knows them. I mean, who cares about Swiss Mathcore bands, anyways?
