Keith Olbermann
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Keith Olbermann is stupid.
Keith Olbermann is a failed sports reporter who was fired from ESPN sometime before 1975 for eating all the bean dip in the green room and demonstrating his ability to fart through his mouth. He parlayed that questionable talent into a nightly program called Countdown, which is rumored to run on a public access channel in rural Idaho. As no one has ever actually watched the show, it is often classified as an urban legend. Oh, and he says "sir" and "ma'am" a hell of a lot, as if he is a fourth-grade teacher who gets wood from bullying his students with faux respect.
Nemeses
Olbermann hates a lot of people, particularly talk show host Bill O'Reilly, presumably because O'Reilly got his start as a celebrity gossip show host, which is eminently more respectable than sports copy reader. Also, O'Reilly's show gets approximately a 5,147% larger audience than Olbermann's (the exception being Tuesdays, because it is mathematically impossible to represent a number larger than zero as a percentage).
Olbermann also has publicly discussed his hatred for Rush Limbaugh, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Glenn Beck, Harry Potter, Frederick J. Flintstone, III, and Cantinflas ("Damn beaner actors with their single names!" - K.O.) He regularly badmouths people on a segment of his show entitled, "The Biggest Meanies in the World". The majority of his vitriol is reserved for O'Reilly, who consistently pwns him in the ratings. Olbermann's strategy of badmouthing and insulting those with whom he disagrees has made him extremely unpopular, proving the axiom that people will choose an asshole (O'Reilly) over a mega-asshole any day.
Olbermann was sued by Jackson, Mississippi mayor Frank Melton after it was rumored that Olbermann said, "You, sir, are not nice and I, for one, sir, do not like you," in reference to Melton during the "Smug Douchebaggery" segment of his show. The judge in the case cited that slander was only a valid charge when the slur was actually seen or heard by others. Melton was unable to produce proof at trial that any living person had actually seen the episode in question.
Books
In 1984, Olbermann wrote a book about ESPN Sportscenter titled, The Big Show, with his former co-host, the incredibly more popular Dan Patrick. He took full credit for the co-authorship, despite the fact that only thirty-seven people who bought the book actually remembered who he was. He also claimed that a television show was based on the book, but there is no evidence that The Asshat Sports Blowhard with the Single Digit IQ ever got beyond a drunken joke at an ABC cocktail party.
A decade later, this prolific writer put out a book that was basically transcripts of a segment from his TV show. Each page was headed by an air date and contained less than 100 words, so Olbermann's minuscule fanbase could actually get through a page a day. The book is copyrighted by Olbermann Broadcasting Empire, Inc. No shit.
