Santa Claus

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Santa Claus

Santa Claus is stupid.

Santa Claus is the father of modern Communism.

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How Santa Came to Be

Sometime before 1975 a man named Saint Nicholas had a bit too much to drink at Christmas dinner and headed out to the local dollar store to buy gifts for every child in Europe. When he realised that people like presents, and giving presents in turn made people like him, the lonely old gaffer decided to then expand his gift-giving operation to the entire world. To this end, he enslaved many elven emigrants to build toys.

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Rise to Infamy

On a whim one day, Santa Claus moved his family to Germany. It was there that he wrote his most famous work, The Communist Manifesto, under the pseudonym Karl Marx. In it, he outlined his basic philosophies for equal distribution of wealth. Of course Santa AKA Karl Marx, held true to his values. He soon enslaved the Cossaks after the end of the revolution and moved them to a work camp located at the North Pole.They serve to this day as "Santa's Little Helpers", while Santa believed wealth needed to be redistributed. He was the primary means of this movement, and held on to a larger proportion of it. As Orwell would say, "All are equal, just some are more equal than others."

This book became the inspiration for Russian revolutionaries who wanted an excuse to kill people at random. To show their affiliation, they adopted Santa's favorite color, red, as their symbol. Santa Claus was frequently spotted hovering over Moscow after they took power and there are rumors that he is still hiding somewhere in the Kremlin.

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