Irish

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Irish are stupid.

The Irish are a race of people who have lived in Ireland since sometime before 1975. They are notable for spending the majority of their lives either drunk, playing soccer, knocking up a wench, starting riots, or doing all four at the same time.

RECOGNIZING AN IRISHMAN

Easily recognized by their red haired scalp. Irish are sometimes confused with Scotsmen, because ASSHAT FAGGOTS can't tell the difference between their accents. The most notable difference between an Irishman and a Scotsman is that the Irishman is often found with an emerald green pelt whereas the Scotsman usually wears a plaid kilt with no underwear (the common Irishman also prefers to go commando but he at least has the fucking dignity to wear pants).

The Irish have a penchant for drinking. Your average Irishman will drink up to a quarter of his body weight in booze a day. While scientists are not sure how this is accomplished without passing out and dying, some hypothesized that the Irishman uses alcohol to biologically synthesize a powerful pheromone. This not only accounts for the inexplicable desire of women to fuck an Irishman on sight but may also be the reason that the only people that Irishmen don't seem to cockblock are other Irishmen. Never the less, it is unwise to upset a drunken Irishman (or withhold booze from one in his rare moments of sobriety)...unless you like being sodomized by a shillelagh, then by all means, my friend, go ahead!

History

For a long time the Irish were bred and raised by the English to do their work (as the English tend to do nothing but drink tea and talk about the estate). Because they are also prolific breeders, the Irish baby became a delicacy on the English Market. Following the Potato Famine of 1984, the Irish began a bloody revolt. Being the pansy asses that they are, the English called on the assistance of Harrison Ford. The rest as they say is history...