Iraq
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Iraq is stupid.
Iraq is a country in the middle east, one of the driest, hottest, and dirtiest regions on Earth. It is pretty close to Israel, which is the motherland of the Jews.
Contents |
Discovery
When Moses led the Jews to the promised land of Israel, it turned out to actually be a smelly desert. A small group of jews said "This is what we've been wandering around looking for?" Moses said "If you don't like it, then you can leave." The jews said "Fine, we're old enough to make it on our own." Those jews traveled east, around the area of Iraq. They stopped because a few of them had intestinal gas and kept complaining that they needed to rest. Then a bunch of Muslims came along and killed them. They decided Iraq would be a nice place to live.
Culture
Laws
Because Muslims run the country, most of its laws are stupid. First, there's no sex allowed. The leaders aren't getting laid, and they feel that if they can't have something, no one else can. Second, there's no masturbation allowed. The leaders feel that masturbation is way worse than sex because masturbation makes the sand all sticky, and sand is really, really hard to wash. Third, only men can make decisions, and women have to listen. This would actually be a good rule, but because there's no sex or masturbation allowed, the men have gone crazy. The crazy men end up making really stupid decisions.
Sports
The only sports that are allowed in Iraq are soccer, basketball, and smear the queer. Soccer is gay, so nobody plays it. Basketball was alright, but the black people stole the balls and the nets, so nobody else can play. Smear the queer was fun, but the leaders killed all the queers, so nobody can play anymore.
Music
Up until a year ago, the only music allowed in Iraq was ancient muslim orchestral music which many people used to charm snakes. The leaders felt that they needed to get with the times, so they allowed 80's music to be played in their country.
Education
When kids shoot other students in school, they are either punished or rewarded depending on their performance. Teachers consider efficiency, accuracy, and kill count in their evaluation of a student's shooting. If the student shoots the teacher, the student recieves no grade.
Physical characteristics
Iraq is 5 and a half feet tall, has dark eyes and long black hair. You can't really see all of Iraq, because she wears a long robe and a veil over her face. She says she won't let anyone see her body without agreeing to marry her first, which probably means she's either fat, ugly, hairy, or all three.
Saddam Hussein
Sometime after 1975, a Mexican named Saddam Hussein came in and kicked the Muslims out of their office. He was gonna get rid of all the religious rules in the country, but he saw a picture of the virgin mary in a tortilla and decided to keep the religious rules in place. The people in Iraq thought that Hussein had a cool mustache and a bad-ass uniform, so they let him stay as their ruler.
Execution
Eventually, the people in Iraq decided that Hussein was full of shit and killed him. It didn't do any good for the country, since Iraq is still a shitty place to live.
What now?
George W. Bush politely suggested to the Iraqi people that democracy could help them solve some of their problems. It hasn't.
