Illinois
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Illinois is stupid.
Illinois is a state in the U.S, evidenced by the star representing Illinois on the American flag. It was founded Sometime before 1975 by George Halas, various people from France, and Mr. Hands.
Illinois has many records among the states. It is the most boring state in the U.S despite having Chicago. Even with gang-ridden cities ,small-town murderers, and nerds, it easily beats Indiana as the most boring state. Illinois is also the flattest of the states. Illinois does not have a motto, and if someone from Illinois visits another state, they call themselves "someone from Chicago". It is also, the fattest state, with the average weight per person being 325 pounds. Neo-nazis appear every once in awhile. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints began the act of polygamy in Nauvoo, Illinois.
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Climate
Illinois has 2 distinct seasons, summer and winter. Summer usually has temperatures in the 120's with 200% humidity. Summer also sees rain and thunder every other day. Tornadoes are a daily occourence. In Winter, even with global warming, temperatures range from -10 to about -300. It only snows on weekends and at night, so Illinois school children, commonly known as "retards", never get school off.
Geography
Illinois has three different terrains. Flat. Flatter. Flattest.
Sports Teams
Illinois is the only state )except for Massachusetts whose teams suck so badly, people make up curses to explain why they suck. The Chicago Cubs have not won a world series in over 100 years, making people around the world wonder if they could play in the little leagues.
Being a sports fan in Illinois takes not only hope, but a gut filled with beer, as well as the simple phrase "There's always next year"
Dialect
Illinoi's three dialects are Beaner (most common at Fast Food restaurants), Indian (most common at 7-Eleven and Taxi Drivers), and Hillbilly (most common in Southern Illinois).
Politics
Every form of government in Illinois is corrupted. Electing corrupted officials, eitherRepublican or Democrat, is one of Illinois' favorite pastimes. When someone is convicted of corruption, they simply move to another county.
Famous People
No one who is famous ever will, or ever has come from Illinois.
The Future
In The Future, Jews will take over Chicago and turn it into the world's largest bank. Later, during armageddon, Jesus will visit the bank attempting to make a withdrawl, and the Jews will kill him. Again.
