Hockey

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Hockey is stupid

Hockey is a game played in Canada, by Canadians, who are stupid. Satirists from Sweden, Russia and many other countries also play hockey, but primarily to make fun of Canadian hosers.

Hockey was invented by quadriplegic Jesuits sometime before 1975. There are several professional hockey leagues around the world, most of which are located in Togo and Bangladesh. Professional hockey players are paid in beans.

Some of the most successful hockey teams include:

• The Medicine Hat Tigers
• The Kinshasa Fighting Irish
• The Santa Cruz Crusties
• The Rotterdam Dinkholes

In some countries, a dubious distinction is made between 'ice hockey' and 'field hockey'; however, these games are equally stupid. Most scientists think that this misperception is due to a genetic defect related to Crohn's Disease or poor dental hygene common among the British.

The rules

There are rules in hockey, but they are usually ignored, which is why famed anarchist Alexander Berkman referred to it as 'an exemplary counter example of anarcho-communism'. Alexander Berkman was stupid. Fortunately, he killed himself when he learned that humanism was stupid.

Hockey equipment

On-ice, most hockey players wear protective equipment. Off-ice, hockey players wear regular clothes, under which they usually wear frilly lingerie.

Famous players

The most famous hockey player ever was Liberace, who was famed for shooting his pucks through the five-hole. Another famous player, Wayne Gretzky (formerly known as the 'Grate Won') helped many other players score goals, and was excellent at skating around like a pussy. After retirement, he married a woman named Prince Phillip. Gretzky now sells Ford trucks.