Heroin
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Heroin is stupid
As we know, heroin is a Class A drug; this is because it has been educated to a standard that is higher than Class B drugs. We also know that heroin is a white person's drug. This is not because it is a white substance and is easier to hide due to the colour of the person possessing the drug but because it is more expensive. This is not to say that black people are all really poor and rob people and kill babies for drugs because that is a story for another day. It is a white man's (You think women can afford this shit? Dream on, bitch) drug because only white people would go through the tedious and immense effort it takes to actually liquidise the heroin and meticulously put it into a syringe and such. Black people are too cool and just generally chilled out to put the effort into, well, chilling out. They sit back and enjoy Bob Marley along with a string of other rap\blues musicians while taking their dope of choice.
Contents |
Hypodermic Needle Fascination
There are many different types of syringe that a drug addict has to choose from in order to take his fix. Such a choice leads to distress because when you are in desperate need to shoot up you do not need to wonder whether you to choose the needle that is long and yellow and has the potential to make your chair cringe with its foul smell or the small little blue needle that looks really cool but has no plunger. What I need to know is why there is such a large variety of choices when it comes to needles? I generally try to delay the choice of getting up in the morning let alone having to choose what needle I want to take my fix from.
Ruined Belts
As we all know (well, all the cool people know), you need to inject heroin into yourself and for greater effects it is suggested that you inject it directly into a vein. Now, it is advisable that you do not inject it into the varicose vein in your leg or the one on your penis because that would be stupid. Eyes are also not a good option, mainly because they aren't veins you moronic junkie high school dropout. So, obviously you are left with your arms... or your face. Seeing as though we need to cut the blood supply off to that area for a small amount of time in order to find a vein, it would be stupid putting a belt around your neck and cutting off the blood supply to your tiny brain so it is done around the arm. The problem with it is that you will only have one arm free in order to put on the belt so you will need to bite the belt in order to hold it into place so you can buckle the buckle. This means that the belt will now have teeth marks on it and this is a shame, especially if you have a nice belt made of real leather (or cows' faces as I like to tell small children). So, in order to find out if your friend is a heroin addict - check their belt. Then their pockets. If these are negatives then try their ominous-looking drugs cabinet.
Spoons And Fire
Spoons are very important when it comes to making heroin. It needs to be melted down from its original solid form to its other solid form in order for it to be injected (unless you decide to be stupid and just run some solid heroin onto your gums).
Spoons
When you are to make heroin you must heat the powder until it becomes liquid. This is not a problem except that it is tricky to find a surface on which to melt the heroin. Now, if you are making a very large dosage then you would be able to use a conventional pan or pot and put it on the stove but I recommend that you do not do that unless you are to make about forty-two litres of heroin which would not be very clever unless you were to have a heroin party; such a party would consist of a ‘coma’ room where all of the people who are just taking up floor space would go as well as a recovery room which, in fact, does not help as it also has lots of heroin in it too. So, the best apparatus to use would, of course, be a spoon, preferably a tea-spoon and not a soup-spoon unless you are really greedy. To do this you must keep the spoon over the fire long enough to melt the heroin but – OH NOES – what if you are using your favourite teaspoon with the moronic cartoon picture on the end and you accidentally burn it! Tragedy! This is why you use the proper equipment, not just an ordinary spoon you would use with your cereal. No, you want ‘The Skoop™’, the spoon that never melts and can cut other ordinary spoons right in half. Also, ‘The Skoop™’ may or may not fly at night, but legend says that it does.
Fire
Of course, like arsonists, all heroin addicts need to get a good fire going to set about taking their drug of choice. There is the conventional method which involves modifying a lighter so that the flame would burn any smoker’s eyebrows off lest they tried light a cigarette. This is fine but just not very fun. What would be fun and possibly more practical would be to produce a filter system in which to direct the steam of the fire onto the spoon. There will be a fire going that is at least 3 inches wide but no larger than 3 and a half inches (addicts may also have obsessive compulsive disorder) and a filter upside down will be placed upon it. This would mean that all of the fire will be focused on ‘The Skoop™’ for maximum effect. This is also a good way of burning your pet really effectively, although a small pet such as a hamster would fit in the fire under the filter. Also, it may be fun to inject your pet with heroin although it may not survive or worse still it may become hooked on it, start stealing from you and then die in an awful car accident that it created.
