Grand Theft Auto
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Grand Theft Auto is stupid.
Grand Theft Auto is a series of computer games in which the player acts out the average life of an American citizen. Some say that children and young adults are negatively influenced by these games, their feeble minds being corrupted by flashing images and bad grammar. These idiots argue that materials such as Grand Theft Auto are poisoning the moral fabric of society, turning players into the perpetrators of drug trafficking, immorality, genocide, rap music and various other ills inflicted upon the world. If you think like this then most GTA afficianados would request you to step off, with the threat of a "cap in yo ass" being the likely deterrent. Unfortunately very few players are able to carry out such a threat due to the fact that they're 13 year olds who live in places such as Buckinghamshire, England, where the streets only get mean if Prince Philip forgets to take his pills. Which, in fairness, can be quite a serious problem. This is because some tribal fuckwits actually believe that he is a god, as does he, and high levels of religious tolerance in Britain mean that nobody dares question this notion for fear that these worshipping fruitcakes might have their civil rights violated. There is also the possiblility that he actually is God - who else could blame wonky shelves on a towel head and not get a jihad slapped on them?
We must stop rock stars - the rich, playboy pin-up shagging, hero worshipped, talented people that we all seem to hate for some reason
Oh, Rockstar the publisher. Well boo to them, too. They must be stopped, and the way to do it is to not purchase any of the GTA games, or for that matter any of the evil corporation Rockstar's creations (even the quaintly beautiful Manhunt). If it is allowed to continue, reality may soon mirror the world of Grand Theft Auto, with people being hacked to death in the street, guns being sold to minors, driving laws thrown out the window as tanks cruise down the road. Actually, that sounds pretty fun. Especially as tanks are invincible! Woot! 
Srsly though such a world is something we DO NOT WANT. Because when children see a character in a game hijack a vehicle, kill the owner, and then sleep with half a dozen prostitutes all the while being praised for their actions, they somehow manage to twist that and infer that it's okay to do it themselves. Here's a lesson for you dumb little shits:
- You WILL be arrested for murder. Wanted level cheats DO NOT work, no matter how many times you press Circle, L1, Down, L2, Left, X, R1, L1, Right, Circle.
- NO, there is NO WAI your health will increase just by leaning against a wall, and you WILL catch AIDS by sleeping with a ho. Every single time.
- Oh, and if you try to kill her to get your money back, she WILL stab you.
- NO, your parents WILL NOT take responsibilty for your change in behaviour, despite the fact that they bought you the game. And they WILL join in rallies calling for a ban, partly to cover their own stupidity and partly because they ARE hypocritical Nazis, as you have argued since you were three.
The Future
"LOL k. Will I get beaten?"
"Fuck yeah."
Hopefully these lessons will prove useful. It's important that the public really kicks up a fuss and makes an issue out of this (after all, the Middle Eastern shitstorm has kinda been done to death now, don't you think? It's time to diversify the mindless bitching), seeing as though they evidently don't have anything better to do. Sadly, this doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon. But we must remember this: every three seconds, somewhere in the world a child steals a military helicopter and blows the living shit out of everything in sight before being overwhelmed with excitement and crashing into the local Wal-Mart, subsequently suffering the ignominy of being arrested in front on their peers and fellow gang members.
It's tough on the streets. Fo shizzle.
