Government (Fbi2thegrave)
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Government is stupid.
Where does one start when talking about the governments? Let’s talk about the history and structure of the government.
Contents |
History
Governments were started sometime before 1975 when men still had large testicles and the power to lift cars (which hadn’t been invented yet). At that time, women couldn’t vote because they, as is still the case today, had no souls.
The land was barren and all people were blind, until born there was a man with one eye, and he became king. His first order of business was to invent the guide dog, which was a failure because half way through the women they were using started walking upright.
The second order of business was to invent the IRS, whose first order of business was to institute a walking cane tax and a sunglasses tax.
Later, a general who was blind, but had a really, really, really good sense of hearing threw a cup d’etat to overthrow the government. The cup was part of his mother’s china collection (whose name was d’etat for some weird fucking reason) and she got pretty upset.
Types of Modern Governments
Nowadays, there are many different and innovate types of governments, and more are being invented every day. All the governments claim to be the absolute best, which means someone is fucking lying, and eventually they all are.
Theocracy
Theocracies are led by one guy with a bunch of religious scholars bitching at him.
Democracy
Democracies are led by one guy with a bunch of senators bitching at him.
Socialism
Socialist states are led by one guy with a bunch of commie fags being killed for bitching at him.
Structure of the Government
Most governments have the following structure in regards to where power is given, in order:
- An old man with lots of money
- A group of old men with less money than the old man, but still with enough
- Men
- Minorities
- Women
- Dykes on bikes
- Dykes on some type of transportation that is not a bike
- Dykes not on any type of transportation
- Overly girly men
- Homos
The Old Man
The Old Man has many different names:
“President” as in the case of Adolph Hitler
“The Prime Minister” as in the case of the Pope
“Der Fuhrer” as in the case of George W. Bush
“Fuck you, Mr.” as in the case of Dick Cheney
“Dee oh double giz-ee” as in the case of Mr. Snoop Dogg
“Shredder” as is the case in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
The Group Of Old Men
The main difference between the group of old men and the old man is that they are usually poorer. On very rare occasions, men with vaginas and men who are black somehow pass the required Are You Black/Do You Have a Vagina blood test administered to all “Group of Old Men” hopefuls.
The Group of Old Men have many different names:
“The Congress” as is the case in the United States
“Foot Soldiers” as is the case in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
“The Parliament” as is the case in The Socialist Republic of England and Outlying Islands Such as Spain
Areas in Which Government Excels
Making Lives Miserable
The following is a list of some activities that may or may not be illegal. Read them to yourself quietly (Unless you’re on a Cell Phone), and try to figure out which are not allowed by the government. Also, try and think if you’ve ever tried to:
- Expand your horizons
- Find your true potential
- Lose Weight
- Feel better about your life
- Remarry
- Have sex with a minor
- Have sex with a miner
- Eat a fancy dinner
- Rob a bank
- Plant explosives at a large building and threaten to blow it up unless you receive large sums of money
- Steal
- Pillage
- Plunder
- Play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Back in Time for SNES
- Smoke Marijuana
- ))<>((
- Eat a Yam
- Make a long nonsensical list on a comedy website
- Continue writing a long nonsensical list on a comedy website
- Beating a dead horse on a comedy website
If you were confused about which things were legal and which things were illegal, and if you have thought about doing many things that appear on the above list, you’re not alone! Most of the things above are what normal people think about on a daily basis. Governments exist to put arbitrary lines around certain things and make these things “illegal.” After all, the only difference between something that is legal and illegal is, as demonstrated above, a single vowel! Having sex with a miner is against the law in the United States because anyone who works in a mine isn’t smart enough for the government to want to have children anyways; while having sex with a minor is perfectly legal (and encouraged!).
Tax
If you do manage to blackmail money out of someone, the government is entitled to half of it just because they say so! It’s like extortion, except its called tax. The upside of this is that there are companies like H and R Block which take incriminating photos of IRS officers sleeping with their interns and threaten to release them unless all taxes are removed. This can sometimes backfire as is the case with Al Capone, in which the IRS officer sent back pictures of Al Capone having sex with two interns at once. Capone was arrested the next day for 18 counts of coal mine pornography.
