God
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
God is stupid.
Or rather, the concepts of god that have been dreamed up by people are stupid. The same people who believe in a particular God also believe that everybody else's God is a false God, almost without exception. This very simple fact renders any discussion of the existence of God as an exercise in stupidity of the highest order, but it hasn't stopped a certain variety of very curious monkeys from vomiting off at the mouth about it all anyway. Some of these monkeys love their God so much that they will commit suicide by blowing themselves and several dozen (or sometimes several thousand) of their fellow monkeys up.
It's all good and well for God to create monkeys, but His biggest mistake appears to be in giving them the recipe for C4 as well, and of course, the rest is Drudge Report history. The monkeys are extremely inventive and they also created airplanes and the World Trade Center. Thanks a lot, God. God's next plan is to deliver nuclear weapons to the monkeys in order to destroy New York, which is run by the Jews.
God is the opposite of Satan.
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God Through The Ages
The First Monkey God
The first monkey god was probably just some sort of monkey. One would imagine that worship involved the procurement of bananas and various grooming of lice, etc. It is difficult to know with any accuracy, however, as monkeys in these days had not yet invented language, with which they could write down their ideas and immediately start killing anyone who disagreed with them.
God Delegates to Gods
Eventually the God thing just got to be too much for God and so he invented Mount Doom and some other lesser gods that would share duties with Him. Poseidon presided over Adventureland, Apollo ran the hair club for men and Athena ruled a city in Greece named Athens in which buggery had gotten out of control.
God Goes Back To Basics
God wrapped up the gods of Doom shortly after he invented Jews and went back to having sole control over His domain. At this time he wrote the Bible and commanded that the Jews steal everyone's money and then kill them, with special attention to women and children.
God Becomes Jesus and Starts the Crusades
The Jews pissed off God sometime right before the invention of Jesus, and so He decided to become Christian and begin the Crusades. During this time God had almost no sense of humor about anyone resisting His message and so He invented torture. Many, many people were persuaded by these tactics. Especially practitioners of BDSM, who later went on to create Gothic Culture.
God Becomes Allah and Gives Peace a Chance
The people that were persuaded by the Crusades got their chance to bring God's vision of lasting peace to the Earth when he became Allah and decreed that the brown people could now have their revenge. Equipping them with various and sundry weapons and a healthy dose of virgins, brown people worldwide began blowing themselves up on the subway. At long last, peace from our loving Heavenly Father.
God is Fashionable
Sometime before 1975, God shaved his flowing white beard and has been wearing a pencil thin mustache ever since.
Atheism Versus Agnosticism
Atheism is Stupid
Atheists claim with conviction that there is no God, a claim that (philosophically speaking) is as patently stupid as claiming that your God is God to the exclusion of all others. Monkeys cannot know the existence or nonexistence of God, and statements claiming such knowledge are stupid.
Agnosticism is Stupid
Agnostics sit on the fence. While this is certainly the viewpoint that has the most integrity, it is also a cop-out, and is stupid.
Theism is Stupid
Theists are mostly stupid. Moreover, they have no imagination. They could have had a good time organizing black sacrifices for a cow-headed God, but prefer to think by themselves and consider the concept of "God" to be rationnal. Pity. Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Voltaire considered themselves to be Theists.
Unfortunately for we monkeys, you can't be anything but Theist, Atheist or Agnostic, rendering us all hopelessly stupid.
