Existence
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Existence is stupid.
This simplistic statement compiles the experiences of many generations of oozy water soluble blobs of randomly arranged organic mush with varying degrees of perceived consciousness. Existence, which first occurred some time before 1975, has made a bunch of irrational hallucinating self aggrandizing diluted sociopathic blobs that are determined to convince their fellow blobs of their particular hallucinations. One of the issues surrounding the fact that existence is stupid has revolved around a creator (God?) planning all of it out. If this were the case, it would have shaken the rock solid foundation of the stupidity of existence.
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Argument Against
The argument against the random part in favor of a planned and rational creation is a poorly made, illogical, silly argument having something to do with allegedly intelligent and powerful invisible people in the sky. Relevancy of the random vs. purposeful debate is due to so many blobs wishing to attach higher meaning to their perceived consciousness and totally evading the fact that existence is stupid and has no particular meaning. The idea that life is organized by these invisible creatures is the most prevalent hallucination caused by existence, which is stupid.
Ministry of Truth VS. ASSHOLE
Following the path of least resistance (that is, laziness) the simplest idea that came forward over time is that a powerful thing or things which live in the sky (or Cleveland, or a van down by the river or wherever) give(s) a fuck about intricately fabricating and subsequently involving themselves with oozy water soluble blobs of PURPOSEFULLY arranged organic mush. The following arguments against this lazy mindset were made in 1984 during the court case of the Ministry of Truth Vs. the Amalgamated Sacred Spiritualists for Holy Ordained Leadership Establishmentarianism, or ASSHOLE:
1. This argument is Poorly made.
Example: “This is pretty much what everyone else before has previously believed, therefore it is correct today and always will be.”
Rebuttal: Obviously this is stupid. Nothing else follows this model, why should the explanation that existence has purpose be the exception? There is a reason people stopped trepanning to rid their souls of evil spirits and why people started using forks since 1975, and when a better methodology of shoveling food or ridding brain matter of evil spirits is found, forks and alcohol will likewise be abandoned. That headaches are caused by demons in the head and the only relief is by drilling a hole in the skull is a poorly made argument by today’s standards due to lack of evidence. Despite the fact that this was a commonly held practice in the medieval times before 1975, it is still a shitty argument. If existence were not stupid, and the blobs professing intelligent self-awareness really were, then moving on from this model of thinking would not have to wait for The Future.
2. This argument is Illogical.
Example: “God/Yahweh/Allah/Bob/Cthullu created us and looks down upon us with his love/scheming/bombs/cheese/evil vehemence on a day to day basis or whenever we need a good or bad kick in the ass.”
Rebuttal: The trial at this point cited precedent. Fairies, not real; trolls, not real; the female orgasm, not real; cave men, not real (for fuck’s sake, people are so diluted that there is a strong disbelief of things that actually DID exist before 1975.) All of these things are proven to not exist in the year 1984, and there is only evidence supporting the existence of cave men in the past which, ironically, is the one thing the “existence has meaning” movement doesn’t believe. However… Invisible beings that no one has ever had ANY proof of, EVER, ANYWHERE: naturally this one lone superstition MUST still be true for some strange reason. Belief in things with no supporting evidence and lack of acknowledging the things that have existed despite overwhelming evidence: Obviously this is illogical.
3. This argument is, finally, Silly.
Example: This was understood by the participants of the trial at this point.
Rebuttal: See rebuttal statements from arguments 1 and 2. Also, to scale down: So far in 1984 and as far back before 1975 as records go, no one has ever been interested in creating pond scum in a Petri dish for the purpose of observing its behavior and arbitrarily labeling it good or bad and doling out the appropriate punishments or rewards; all in keeping with a ‘grand plan’ for The Future. (The closest parallel would be a college student subjecting the mold growing in an old chili pot to judgment day by washing it. If the mold were to believe its demise had been planned for since the beginning of time by a being that was keeping tabs on it ever since then, it would be thinking fallaciously.) And there are no known plans of anyone doing so in The Future. To do so would be silly.
With the Ministry of Truth soundly fucking the ASSHOLE belonging to all the devout believers in the trial, the argument for a rational and planned creation was soundly refuted. There is no basis for existence being anything other than stupid. However, the subject has been studied beyond this cornerstone trial.
Reproduction
After years of research performed by certified scienticians, (not to be confused with scientologists, which are not only stupid but also pointless) the purpose of existence appears to be fucking. All activities in the day to day life of existing are for the purpose of perpetuating said existence, usually manifested by profuse fucking or other activities that will lead to it. Evidence of this is the huge population on the planet. In fact, even if the test subjects in the previous research were deprived of members of the opposite sex, it did not take long for them to start fucking each other anyway. Evolution also bears witness to this, as there would be no existence if all the horny little blobs of pond scum did not start fucking like crazy to produce larger and larger blobs that would eventually crawl onto dry land. It appears the point of moving to land was to explore new sexual positions not possible in a purely liquid environment. All of this wanton copulation has produced a large quantity of stupid people, further illustrating that existence is stupid. Creations by people who exist are also incredibly stupid. A small list of examples are television, Windows ME, Scientology, Yorkshire terriers, Wal-Mart and the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation.
Void
The void is the opposite of existence. In other words, non-existence. To keep things in balance it so turns out that the void is stupid as well. Rendering an opinion or establishing a fact seems to be contingent upon existing. Therefore, we can only assume that the void is stupid due to lack of evidence to the contrary and because everything else that has been observed, measured or probed has proven to be stupid. As of 1984, there have been no recorded instances of anyone who did not exist giving evidence one way or the other in regards to the nature of existence or non-existence.
