L. Ron Hubbard
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
L. Ron Hubbard was stupid.
Also known as 'Elron Hubbard' and 'Lt. Hercules P. Righteous', he was one of the 20th century's most celebrated and revered comedians. He was also a racist homophobe and a pathological liar, making him an ideal candidate to create and lead a new religion.
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Life and times of Hubby
Early life
Hubby found fame in the mid-40s film industry, often playing the straight man to Ronald Reagan's humorous American goon. Soon Elroy established himself as the funny guy, playing the title role in the hilarious 1962 war movie 'Carry On Shooting The Vietcong'. Soon after was his infamous appearance on 'The Tonight Show', during which he went on a mad reptillian rampage destroying most of Tokyo. It was after this that he established himself as a brilliant stand-up, his gay horse routine becoming the stuff of legend. It was suggested to him that he come up with a brilliant new idea to unite the masses and revolutionise modern society. Instead he came up with...
Dianetics and other bullshit
Elmo wrote a book based around telling people what to do, inspired by The Qur'an. The book states that pornography, anal sex and arabs should not be allowed, clearly derived from The Bible. In fact Jesus himself sued claiming copyright infringement, but was counter-sued by Satan for slander. Buddha sued all their asses for breach of the peace, and then things got stupid, as the prophets predicted. The whole experience left Elbow disillusioned with religion, until a brief stint as a Jew let him appreciate the value of world domination (insert New World Order conspiracy crap here). He soon decided that he didn't need them, as he could dominate the world through propaganda and lies on his own. After watching Burnt Face Man episode 3 he came up with a religion based around the concept of auditing, whereby a violent sociopath gives their money to a slightly odd-looking chap in return for a blowjob.
Stupidity reigneth over all
After HLUAGHLUAGH had been heard across the land, Enron decided upon scientology as the name of his company. Of course he stole the name from a philologist, which is a made-up word itself thus completing the 'circle of life' made famous by the High Priest Al Gore. In 1984 Embryo had a vision during which he saw many a hollywood whore fall over themselves preaching his incoherent nonsense. Ok, he envisioned one fag do it, but he saw that it was good. Safe in the knowledge that all rational thought would soon be ignored like the human rights abuses in China, he invested $1 trillion in Debian stocks, becoming a millionaire in the process.
Current location
Unknown. It is believed that Dr. Lorn Hubba was defeated by Chuck Norris on The Moon, but was regenerated as one of the Teletubbies, possibly the blue one. This made having to make feeble attempts at alternative names for Eggbox irrelevant and certainly the most ridiculous charade ever undertaken - after scientology. One day he will return to fuck things up, but we'll have all nuked each other by then and nobody will care.
The End
In The Future galactic overlord Xenu (a cross between God and Optimus Prime) will land upon Mount Doom, issue a dramatic command resembling something Shaft would say to some honkey and every asshat newbie will be forever banished from EOS. So Scientology isn't all bad. Of course King Lemar Ron Hubbard of Saturn will be too busy satisfying his cam whore fetish on AOL LOL !!!!11oneone and pleasuring/being pleasured by Shiva to notice.
