Ebonics

From Encyclopedia Of Stupid

Ebonics is stupid.

A Short History of Ebonics

Sometime before 1975, whitey landed in Africa, where all black people live. He looked around and saw lots and lots of black people working very hard and not having much fun at all. He said to himself "Wow. there are a lot of black people here. What if we invited them to come back with us to Norway (where all white people live), and make them watch our children, and water our plants, and break in our dancing shoes for us?" So whitey got out his finest cutlery and tableclothes and set a grand picnic for all the black people. Soon, everyone in Africa had arrived. Whitey said "Hey all you people! If you come with me to Norway, you will have lots of fun!" So they did. All the people in Africa traveled on the "Soul Train" to Norway, where they were treated very nicely and had lots of fun. However, soon they got angry for no reason, and sailed across the Atlantic looking for the land of Queen Frostine (once you get to the land of the Queen Frostine, you know you have almost beaten Candyland).

The Norwegians of course got in their viking ships and set out after them at full speed. They managed to arrive a couple centuries before the black people, and founded America. When the black people finally arrived, the Norwegians decided that they had had enough of their shenanigans, and basically pwnd them in the dirt and made them their biznatches. The black people, who got angry even when they were treated nicely, got even angrier and started the civil war. After a while, the black people won the civil war. At some point during the festivities, someone got drunk enough to realize that they didn't actually have a language of their own. This caused some excitement, and the black people decided to call a meeting, which they named Detroit. They decided to make their own language, and called it ebonics. Ebonics is just a screwed up version of English. Then they all went back to their hizzles.

Ebonics and the World of Today

Shortly after that, someone realized that they still all had Norwegian names. This was completely unacceptable. So the black people all had a big meeting, which they named Atlanta. They eventually decided on a set of rules for naming their children, and this is what it said: "Since we don't want to be like everyone else, we must only have names that will make other people look at us and think we are stupid. They must be completely made up, French (as long as we pronounce them wrong), or objects which people usually don't take as names." From this meeting, a proud new race of oddly named, ebonics speaking people was born. A race that is fully integrated with modern Norwegian society, and yet very distinct from it.

Identifying Ebonics

Ebonics come in many shapes and forms, but usually contains the same keywords and phrases. Here are some examples whichcan help you to identify and translate "ghettospeak":

Wuzup Dogg? = How are you doing today, my good sir?

He bin had dat job = He has had that job for a along time, and still has it.

Ya dig it? = Do you understand that which we have been conversing about?

Das right! = That has a 100% composition of veracity.

Note: This language is most often spoken by black people, but is somtimes used by white people who like to pretend they are black.