Drunk
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Drunks are stupid.
Drunks are not just limited to teenage boys and girls, though this demographic of drunks may be highest. Particularly if the social gathering is a teenage party or Keg Party.
Contents |
How To Spot A Drunk
Drunks enjoy bingeing. In no apparent order, they drink beer and alcohol, and eat kebabs and cigarettes. They take their shirts and sometimes underwear off for no apparent reason.
They hurl insults then attempt to fight with each other. Sometimes, this includes picking up objects like fake trees and swatting them at people (Laguna Beach cast, true story).
They also tend to vomit a lot, and later pass out on the street where passers-by urinate on them.
Most of the time, drunks will be kissing and grabbing other people's asses, regardless of who they are. Being drunk is one of the favourite activities of bimbos, and slutty attention whores.
Activities Done Under the Influence
- Sitting on toilet lids that are down.
- Sitting on the floor (or open field, or wherever they happen to be at the time) and taking quick naps. Duration of quick nap is subjective.
- Taking pants off to cut down on bathroom time spent away from their drinks.
- Having their eyes half-open. Drunks think shitfaced is sexy.
- Posting shitfaced pictures all over the place on their wimpy blogs or MySpace.
- Jumping up and down squealing "OMIGOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!!!" every time a song plays. Even if it's the same song. Even if it's techno, trance, or electronica which they (in their rare moments of sobriety) think is only for deaf or braindead people. Trust their judgement. Drunks have extensive knowledge and are extremely discerning about these things.
Things To Remember
It's never a drunk's fault if they find themselves killing people while drunk driving, ending up fat, with liver cirrhosis, heart disease, or finding themselves with sexually transmitted diseases. It's also not their fault if they end up getting themselves or another person pregnant, or that they wake up in the morning next to their best friend's younger brother/sister.
Drunks will never part from their beloved beer and alcohol, because being drunk is what's most interesting about them.
Drunken Ambition
A drunk aspires to be a celebrity. This is wise and reasonable as a drunk that is a celebrity has much less to worry about. Drunk celebs end up spending anywhere from 82 minutes ala Nicole Ritchie, to 24 hours ala Lindsay Lohan for "misdemeanor" drunken driving and cocaine charges. At the same time, they get free publicity, and "rehab" at expensive, elite hotels.
The sentence would be several months at least for other similarly drunk and dangerous non-celebs, that actually have to work to be able to buy food and support a family, etc.
Categories: Drugs | People | Sexor
