Drug
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Drugs are stupid.
Drugs were invented sometime before 1975 by radical, Communist hippies who decided reality just wasn't good enough. Drugs come in many names and forms, but they are all made in back-alley dumpsters, using common ingredients such as fertiliser, bleach, oven cleaner and ground-up worms.
Many try to justify their use of drugs by claiming that:
- Many of them occur naturally in plants; OR
- Many traditional tribes and cultures used them.
However, these claims are not to be believed and are due to the simple sheer bloody-mindedness of drug-using individuals.
Drugs are very dangerous, if you smoke one joint you will definitely die. Your penis will turn inside out and then you'll be held down and raped by a horse and several dwarves, in front of your parents. If you see drugs in the room, stay away from them and call me to come and dispose of them.
These drugs are not to be confused with pharmaceutical drugs, which are fine and completely safe because the government says so.
Despite what they say, alcohol is not a drug.
Contents |
Different Kinds of Drugs
Hallucinogens
Hallucinogenic drugs cause you to hallucinate. One who has ingested a hallucinogenic drug may experience feelings of hurtling across the universe, communing with God, or joining Scientology, but in reality their brain is being dissolved. In rare cases, the brain may leak out of the ears.
Hallucinogenic drug users have evolved their own language, including words such as ether, woah, trippy, and visual.
Examples of hallucinogens are Cocaine, Opium and throat lozenges.
Depressants
Depressants slow down the nervous system by adding resistance to nerve pathways, making a person feel depressed, often leading to suicide. The reason why people take depressants is still a mystery.
Depressants will make a person add the word dude to the end of every sentence. This is a menace to society itself, lest we look like morons in front of the Russians.
Examples of depressants are Methamphetamine, Ecstasy and Emo.
Stimulants
Stimulants stimulate the nervous system by lubricating nerve pathways. When trying to communicate on a stimulant, one will leave out all full stops and spaces between words.
Many college students use the aid of stimulants to study, but die of heart-attacks when reaching Calculus. Science has yet to come up with an explanation for this phenomenon.
Examples of stimulants include Heroin, Ketamine and Corn Flakes.
Laxatives
Laxatives loosen up the bowels, making pooping an all-round enjoyable experience. Laxatives are the true heroes here.
Examples of laxatives include Cannabis, Magic Mushrooms and <insert celebrity or TV show here for comedic purposes>.
