Dick Cheney
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Dick Cheney is stupid.
See also: Satan, asshat, pussy, homosexual
Contents |
Overview
Mr. Cheney was the vice president of the United States, which is in America. He is a feral, stocky creature with his face twisted in a permanent sneer (see photo)and a Hellish red glint in his eyes. He often roams around a huge pasture, stocked with millions of random animals captured for the sole purpose of being brutally murdered by Dick Cheney with a shotgun. These animals include deer, rabbits, lawyers, griffins, and the most dangerous game of all-geese. Sometimes he shoots poor people from the surrounding area if he needs a new heart (again).
Cheney once shot a man in the face with a shotgun. Such is his power, the man he shot (in the face) actually apologized for it, once he was out of hospital. Do not fuck with motherfucking Cheney.
Dick Cheney follows in the tradition of J. Danforth Quayle as the man whose very existence protects President Bush from impeachment or assassination - although where Quayle was a drooling, babbling imbecile, Cheney is a dead-eyed sociopath and very probably affiliated with Satan himself.
No-one has ever seen Dick Cheney laugh, and it's postulated that if he were to do so, his head would split and release demons so foul the Earth would never recover. So please, no jokes around the veep, huh?
Origins
Cheney hails from Wyoming which, evidently, is near Hades (some folks call it hell, we call it Hades), since Cheney is actually a demon in human form. As far as we know, he's the only public figure willing to admit he's from Wyoming, and we are currently determining whether Wyoming really is an actual place.
Rise to Power
Cheney served as Satan's chief ball-washer for millenia before being granted human form and deposited in America. Once here, he immediately saw the government as the closest thing to hell he'd find on Earth, and got busy. Long story short, he's sucked his way up to Vice-President of the United States, a heartbeat away from the most powerful seat in the world. Luckily for him the President, George W. Bush, doesn't have a heart beat, or a heart, or brain waves (as far as we can tell), so Dick is seen by some as behind-the-scenes President.
Greatest Ambition
Dick wants nothing more than to cause the complete subjugation of all humans to his pudgy little white visage. And he'll stop at nothing to get it. That, and he wants a Snickers, and to be loved.
Past lives of Dick Cheney
- Big fuckin' rock at the bottom of the ocean
- Alexander the Great's horse
- The first platypus
- Somewhat smaller and decidely smoother rock on a beach
- Cleopatra's douche bag
- A wart on the ass of King Arthur's dog's balls
- Sand
- Napoleon's jock strap
- George Washington's wooden teeth
- Barbara Mandrel
- Grigory Rasputin's mother
