Depression
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
Depression is stupid.
Depression is God's way of culling the human population of the weak and useless. Without depression emotionally unfit people could continue walking the earth, breeding, and generally using up air that rightfully belongs to the emotionally fit. Inbreds, hicks, womyn, religious nutjobs and others who cannot stop projecting their emotions onto others are a problem - one alleviated by depression. It is evolution at work.
Contents |
All About Depression
Onset
Depression usually begins with general feelings of listlessness. The depressed are prone to eat more than normal people. Where most people would brush these feelings off, buck the fuck up, and shut their goddamn pieholes until the feeling subsided, the depressed dwell on these feelings until they can no longer cope, at which point they start wearing black clothing and writing bad poetry. Eventually the joyously inevitable happens - suicide.
Cure
Ultimately, depression can be chalked up to "too much hurt in the vagina," and can only be successfully confronted with a huge dose of manliness. However, if depression persists, there is truly only one philosophy that has proven time and time again to be 100% effective in curing it: death. This is why depression is very goth and is fashionable among teenagers, women and emo kids.
The Opposite of Depression
The Gay
Homosexuals frequently try to portray their lifestyle as happy-go-lucky and free of the depression that plagues heterosexuals (even going so far as to call themselves "gay") - but do not be fooled! These pitiable self-loathing mouth-breathers are simply too shy, stupid or unattractive to attract a mate of the opposite sex, and they make up for their failure by indulging in hedonistic, same-sex intercourse, most often in public bathrooms. See also: George Michael.
Happiness
Happiness is truly the opposite of depression. If you aren't happy, you are weak. Since the weak do not belong here and must inevitably kill themselves or be killed by those more emotionally fit than they, being happy is a desirable trait in all humans. If you want to be happy, here are a few suggestions that can help you:
- Masturbate.
- Eat chocolate.
- Get up off your ass and do something constructive.
- Stay off the internet.
- Go outside and get some sun.
- Don't live in Seattle.
- Don't be Russian, Hungarian, Bulgarian or Ukranian.
- Don't vote.
- Don't be poor.
- Don't be white.
- Don't have children of any kind.
- Don't be a fatty.
- Don't fuck your sister.
- Don't be emo.
- Don't be goth.
- Don't think too much.
- Try Bukakke
Categories: People | Disease | Pussies
