DC DMV
From Encyclopedia Of Stupid
The DC DMV is stupid.
Contents |
About The DC DMV
Some time before 1975 the government of The District of Columbia decided they needed to bring in more money from the citizens of the already heavily taxed District. They created a dysfunctional department called The DC DMV. Offically standing for The District Department of Motor Vehicles, it is however known by many other dubious nasty departmental names. Department of Moving Violations and Department of Moaning Vaginas.
History of The DC DMV
Before 1975: Department established.
February 5, 1975: Department issues first license plates to an Anabelle Crofton, a well known DC prostitute and dressmaker.
February 27, 1975: Department suspends its first driver license, the license of Henry Ogred, a local pig farmer living south of Massachusetts Avenue, NW. Massachusetts Avenue was the boundary of pig farming, it was forbidden to own pigs of any variety south of this avenue.
April 20, 1975: Department's single building, located at the intersection of New York and New Jersey Avenues, NW, is burned down by local pig farmers in protest to a new license reinstatement fee.
February 20, 1980: Meth lab explodes in the DC DMV's second building, located at the intersection of 17th and P Streets, NW.
March 14, 1980: 17 DC DMV employees arrested in connection to the meth lab explosion.
March 30, 1980: Shirley Darle-Tate sentenced to 14 years in DC prison in connection to the meth lab explosion and the illegal operation of a medical facility. Shirley was further ordered to pay a fine of $75.
September 5, 1980: Federal government supervises the DC DMV and places it on federal probation due to funds mismanagement and general curruption.
September 25, 1980: Federal government appoints Marion Barry as DC DMV director.
October 2, 1980: Marion Barry arrested for possession of opium and illegal childrens' toys.
October 31, 1980: Marion Barry arrested for distributing cocaine to trick or treating children in his Tenleytown neighborhood.
May 15, 2005: Massive evacuation of the DC DMV buildings after a lice and bomb threat was called in by, then, DC DMV director Shae Kims. Shae Kims later reported to WJLA Channel 7 that she "be feelen' reel bAd thatt day and wid a bad headake."
July 1, 2004: DC DMV begins offering fried chicken at select locations. info
August 3, 2004: Shae Kims named the new DC DMV director.
February 5, 2007: Shae Kims removed as director and demoted to deputy director. Sharqueete Porsche Donelan is named the new director.
February 20, 2007: Crazy woman goes on a mad liquid excretion at the downdown DC DMV location. info
February 25, 2007: DC DMV announces HIV status and credit scores to be displayed on all driver licenses and photo ID cards.
Social Security Number Controversy
In 1984 the DC DMV decided to display social security numbers on the face of the DC driver licenses. That lead to the seven-digit social security number becoming the driver license number. This lead to identity theft as we know it today.
HIV Status Controversy
In February of 2007 the DC DMV began working with the DC Department of Health & Human Services. The two departments came together to start displaying driver license holders' HIV status. On the gay version of the license, the date of the last HIV test is clearly marked. On the non-gay licenses, the date of the last test is encoded on the back in the 2D barcode.
Shae Kims Controversy
Often cited as the woman who destroyed the DC DMV Shae Kims will always hold a certain level of honor within DC Government. DC Government is notorious for having a love affair with terribly dysfunctional people. Marion Barry and Anthony Williams are a few examples.
Shae Kims further enhanced the fried chicken menus at the Anacostia and Brookland DC DMV branches. According to residents in these neighborhoods, the menus and the prices drove many to bankruptcy. Many long time residents of the city were forced to move to nearby crime haven, Prince Georges County, Maryland.
Shae Kims also began a new program for "white peoples" at the Chevy Chase DC DMV branch to the tune of "koffees and krossonts". Chevy Chase is a mostly white section of Washington, DC.
Bugatti Veyron Fleet
Shae Kims spent the DC DMV budget for fiscal years 2006-2020 with the purchase of 83 custom Bugatti Veyrons. Of the 83, only 78 were found. Estimated to have costed the taxpayers of DC over $150 million, these high speed vehicles may go down in history as one of DC's most ridiculous expenditures.
According to the DC DMV website, each Bugatti travels at up 225 miles per hour and can issue up to 175 tickets in two minutes. DC DMV director Sharqueeta Porsche Donelan reports that each car achieves full speed at least forty times a day and averages 2.6 miles per gallon.
Each Veyron produces over $5,000 in parking tickets each day. The operating cost of each car is about $7,500 per day.
